Still In Agony

See, I've never meant to ever violate your words
But sometimes I go through my existence, harder than you thought
Got nobody to lean on, to count on to keep me bold
And there are moments in my life I almost vacate my hope
And I can never ever brain how you suck it through these years
How you obviously try to hold on, and the moments you've lived soaked in your tears
Never could I understand why you're still standing with those smears
Though at times you'd sounded like you're buckled up to switch your gears
But here's a question - have you ever thought of how I wish it has an end
How I wish that someday somehow, your happiness isn't condemned
That you're up for any challenges for yourself, don't need to bend
That maybe you'd be happier with your ideas, thoughts and no dent
Because it's draining me, side-splitting me as I try to live my life
Haunting me every moment as I try to really strive
A true standing pillar for the home, still trying to survive
And there are times I hated you for taking away my other life
I had to grow up, had to live up to some expectations and such
Had to crash and walk away from a different set of clutch
Guess you never really thought that it's been so hard on me
How I wish I didn't have to be part of my current agony
For it's making me despising too many things that seemed beautiful
And I've been living in monochrome, nothing was ever colourful
See I'm broken bad, bleeding inside, perhaps you'd even see my clot
If only you'd take your time to sit and read my stormy plot

-PRK-

I Like The Idea

I like the idea that we're different and how it is proven
I like the idea that we are improving and knowing that we're living
I like the idea that we have things that were worthless more than what's worth our while
I like the idea that we didn't second guess even for a while
I like the idea that I'm intimidating and you're intimidated
I like the idea that I wasn't wrong about what we leave unattended
I like the idea that you're happily married and that I am happier without it
I like the idea that you're making it and I've made it

-PRK-

Dongengmu

Sememangnya dia tabah
Namun dia bukan Badang
Sampai bila lagi akan kau mempermainkannya
Belum puas kah kau melihatnya derita?
Sememangnya dia tabah
Walau dia berperang seorang
Sampai bila lagi akan kau memperdayakannya
Belum puas kah kau melihatnya kecewa?
Sememangnya dia tabah
Tetapi kenapa dibiar naik radang
Sampai bila lagi akan kau mencacinya
Belum puas kah kau melihatnya sengsara?
Sememangnya dia tabah
Walau dia rasa semakin hilang
Sampai masanya nanti, dia akan tumbang
Bak bangunan konkrit yang haus tapaknya

-PRK-

Rosebud

Garden pink, rather modest, much too cute
So innocent, so many things to refute
Had no guts to hold you, I was irresolute
Couldn't digest how to somehow reconstitute
Outraged I was, as I thought I couldn't suspire
I thought your beingness would perhaps scotch my desire
I thought you'd purposely make me somehow misfire
I supposed the creator and you once walked through the fire

-PRK-

Jilid Aku

Berlaga lagi hati ini, penuh perihal keraguan
Tiada kesudahannya juga keberangan ini, terasa dihina dan diperlekehkan
Kekhilafan itu sukar dihindar walau seribu kali dimaafkan
Kerna pendirian ku sering kali mudah dilecuhkan
Umpama rangkap yang rancak aku sedia berlari
Dan menyebarkan cacian sebelum diriku dihakimi
Kenapa tidak diulangi sahaja semuanya?
Rasanya masih sama seperti jilid yang lama
Ku sangkakan ini novella baru
Dikhianati rupanya, walau di dunia baru
Kerna seharusnya aku yang menulis
Seharusnya cuma aku yang berpuitis
Walau gusar, gementar atau terguris
Kegembiraan ku cuma hanya aku yang lukis
Kerna ini jilid aku
Langkah ku dan keinginan ku
Siapakah kau seharusnya bagi ku?
Jika cuma tohmahan sahaja yang keluar dari mulutmu

-PRK-