Come Second

Once a priority, the next, a reserve
Merely an escape
A fling that's conserved
And my soul was relinquished
To one that don't deserve
The passion so wide
Yet the devotion took a swerve
So I followed the curved line
Led me back to the unknown
My emotions were swirled
As if I was stoned
I felt myself falling, drifting away, alone
Slowly escalating, until I know I was gone
Then I questioned myself
I questioned my faith
Will I last through any weather
Will I survive the interfaith
I've gone through the fifth
Will I make it to the eighth
Or will this forever be my wraith?

-PRK-

Menanti Sekeping Hati

Seringkali aku mengeluh
Aku berbicara dengan sang bulan
Ingin aku sampaikan padamu kata-kata yang tak terucap

Tentang kehilangan, keinginan, segala yang rumit
Dan tentang likuan jalan yang aku tempuhi

Aku sentiasa terasa keseorangan
Terasa kosong dan sunyi
Walau dikelilingi yang tersayang
Cuma tanpa kamu

Kelibatmu tak pernah kelihatan
Aku pasti, kelak pasti ada
Satu waktu untuk kita berdua

Sekiranya kamu kembali, temuilah aku di sini
Di tebing, sentiasa menanti sekeping hati yang telah pergi

-PRK-

To Whom It May Concern

I never thought I'd met you
You used to be a dream - a permanent presence in my sleep
I used to imagine and wish that I'd meet someone like you - in person
Interestingly enough, under a bridge - you fishing, me writing a poem
I'd imagine that we'd started talking first about your fishing hobby
Then about your political stands and yellow boots
In my dreams, I enjoyed listening to your stories
And about that big fish you caught the day before we met
In my dreams, you're 10 years older than me and divorced
You'd have this FM radio hooked to your belt, you'd be listening to old songs
Your favorite rock band is the Scorpions
Our favorite song is "You and I"
You had a son who's my age - a son out of wedlock

And he died in a car accident on his 10th birthday 

The cause of death - you drove under the influence of alcohol 
And you refused to talk about your wife
You said she was beautiful and that you'd never fall in love again
But I met you almost a year ago
In a different form, different face but the same voice
Same demeanor, outlook in life but we never talked about fishing
Your theory of everything is thought-provoking
Your thoughts in everything is always intriguing
Our frank and open deep conversations give me a new breath of life
My coffee tastes different, my cigarette breaks are more meaningful
You keep me thinking all the time
About everything - so deeply, so intensely 
I was lost - thank God for the patience and here we are 
Having more conversations
Deep conversations - about death, love, hope, dreams, relationships, sex and suicidal thoughts
About people, exes, family, and deep darkest secrets
You said to me today;
"Love is lying to the police if your wife killed someone."
"Love is like marriage factor. It's "I'll die for you" level."
"Love is like your mom, she'll always love your dad but I doubt she's still IN LOVE with him after all his cheating and other bullshit."
"Love is "I'll forgive you for having a baby with your mistress if stop all of it for me"."
Everything you say affects me
Everything you make me tell you changes my many perspectives in life
And this time, you're real - a solid presence in my everyday life
How's my American spelling in this random poem, I'd like to know

-PRK-

Selfish Love

Not that I miss you and wish you were here
I miss the person you once were
The time when you said you've waited
And didn't mind waiting until I say yes

Not that I'm saying I wish you didn't change
Because I have learned that at times I have to be content
And that I need to change

But I know me and I know you
I know I have my lows and so do you
How do we compromise
That time I wish I knew
And there is no secret I was still stuck to you

Until you made the call and left
Until I realised you couldn't wait anymore
Until I learned that love is not selfish
But the one who love and longed to be loved is

But you're a memory that keeps me up some nights
That reminds me of unresolved conflicts that they talked about
A memory that gives me clarity of thought
A memory that is common to a woman

A woman who deserves love and understanding
Not rules and regulations
A woman who deserves romance and warmth
Not terms and conditions
A woman who believes that she deserves to be herself

-PRK-

Weltschmerz

I've had my chapters before I met you
Chapters that were passionate in the beginning that ended with
"You love me until you don't."

One chapter died without closure; as if I was left at the altar
Years spent trying to understand the holy mess
Years wasted trying to weave and mend what's broken
Only to uncover later it never really matters
I was in agony

Chapter two then began just as hope was about to cease
But abruptly it ended with
"You're not very Christian for me."
Frankly I find that pathetic; it wasn't worth my tears
Though I went to bed after a few bottles of beer
I was in agony

Chapter three isn't worth mentioning
Pure lust on one end and it ended slowly with treachery
Then a 'modern romance' sparked
Lecherous, hostile, revolting, revengeful; I hated everything
I was in agony

The fourth chapter... It was a soap opera
The kisses scorched me
My body trembled every time he pulls me closer
Two hearts together, and I thought
"This probably is the beginning of my last chapter."
I was wrong and I thought
"Forever is over."
Again.. I was in agony

And here is a new chapter... Are we writing it together?
Or will I be the one pulling it together?
Once again be in agony?

-PRK-

Indian Romance

I see it in movies, I see it in real life

I see the confessions of love, 

The beauty of it and I realised 

I want to wake up next to you, tomorrow maybe 

In Manali, the snowcapped mountains, maybe 

Or perhaps Shimla 

Strolling along aimlessly down a path laden with flowers 

To the poetic sound of a sitar

Drop by Agra, they said

To the city of love 

Visit the Taj Mahal, the godly cosmos of real love

Exquisite, isn't it?

But I have different paths to cross

Memories to erase and with you, I want it to close

You're not my Shah, nor am I your Mumtaz

But this is our journey, a story about us

Wandering in the sandalwood forests 

Or maybe in dreamy hills

Maybe in ancient architectures 

Let the truth reveals itself 

Through the sweet sounds of birds 

Maybe the aroma of freshly brewed coffee  

Or through the charming boulevards

Maybe the sunrise in Pondicherry

They've also handpicked Kashmir - a beauty second to none 

A scene in Srinagar where Shammi Kapoor romancing Sharmila Tagore in her bun

Or should we go to Rajasthan and embrace the old-world charm?

Maybe relive Jodha-Akhbar's epic love,

Swaying to the sound of the Bansuri,
Me wrapped in your arms

And should we be around people?

Or should it just be you and me?

Breathing the fresh breeze of Baga

The pleasant ambience, an exotic sandy retreat

I'm throwing you options but I'll walk the bumpy paths with you 

Through your ups and downs, I'll be true to you 

Whether this romance will spark by the glistening lakes

Or by the beaches in Goa 

We'll never know what it takes

For I've only seen it in movies 

And a few in real life 

Never experienced it myself 

Maybe I will, the next sunrise

Maybe it won't 

But I will now leave it to chance 

Just know that between me and you

There will always be this Indian romance

Warm and true, just me and you 

Like tabla tarang

Our hearts beats for this Indian romance

-PRK-

I've Found You

Don't let me down, she said
Never let me drown
Never let the wave take me away from the sound
Never leave me on my own
Deep in the mountains
Lost in the woods
Even a mile or thousands

For I can't live without you now
Perhaps not ever
Perhaps you're a piece of my heart the angels brought over
Perhaps two lost souls now supposed to meet each other
Supposed to be together
Be soulmates or whatever

Even if you fade, losing your colour
I could feel the warmth
I could feel your energy, I could feel it roaming

Do I sound needy now, she asked me calmly
No, mommy, I said
I've been away
Now I'm back, I've found you
I'm sorry

-PRK-

A Paradigm Shift Perhaps

After the storm and unavoidable turbulences
I wanted to sit quietly and enjoy my own company
Or perhaps sit in a tree and watch the world go by
But I too wanted to sleep under the stars with you
Live today, talk about the world
And have a quiet time next to you
Find that balance that we both are looking for
And memorise poems that we can relate to
I want to listen to my own heartbeat
And love without fear
Forgive and forget, and find clarity of thought
Here, as I walk this earth with you
A paradigm shift perhaps, when I finally meet you

-PRK-

Love, When Nothing Else Matters

Someone once said,
"You're losing it."
"You've lost your game."
"You're going nowhere."
I didn't ask why
But that thought lingered in my head for a while
How will you know when you truly are in love?
I supposed, when nothing else matters
Just love, when nothing else matters
Be there when nothing else matters
Be present in the moment like nothing else matters

-PRK-

Broken, Again; Until Then

I woke up zombified
A living dead living in lies
I didn't know how I'd ever survive
Truth is, I can't even look into your eyes
The story went on that I'm stronger than ever
Only God knows how I'm trying to keep it together
When it's too quiet, I can hear your voice
I can hear you talking and it's not a choice
It's not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't
I fell too soon and I fell deep into confusion
"What is this?" I asked but I can't get the answer
I supposed it was just what my heart desired
What I longed for as I'm no longer searching for 'forever'
What I needed most is a soul that would love me better
Accept me for me, for what I have in mind, night and day
For my thoughts, my questions and my plans in May
Dear diary, would you show me where I went wrong?
From all my entries, show me what I shouldn't have spelt wrong
What I shouldn't have assumed, shouldn't have consumed
For now I've got nowhere to go, nothing to write, nothing to look forward to
But another day, another soul that would make me forget you
Broken again
Yes, I'm broken again
For this quest has no end
And so..
Until then

-PRK-

Beholden, Need Not

I don't want to own you
A jaywalker, and if you're the fence, I just want to walk pass you
See you every day for a little while as I walk down the street
Sweeping you off my feet maybe; with my cuffs, if you're the ground that is
Maybe water you in the morning on my way to work if you're the flowerbed

I don't want to hang on to you
A bird, and you're a tree, I just want to drop by and perch for a while when it's too hot
Or when it rains, you'll be my shelter
Or maybe I'll lay down on your dried leaves on the ground if I'm being me
I'll pick a book and have a read

I don't want to cling to you
But if I'm a photographer I wouldn't mind a suspicious dollar bill to take your photos
Capturing your smile, your goofy self and your gaze
Even if you feel uncomfortable, not being yourself in the morning, I'll make you pose for fun
And bribe you for breakfast!

I won't try to possess you, convince you
But I'll fight you, make you say what you want to say
Make you say what you mean and mean what you say
I'll cut you till you bleed to make you feel alive
Make you realise that I'll be there if you need me around

Because we met to meet, met to love, met to care
Not necessarily to be with each other, be in love, be in each other's care
Because love is a mystery, love is poetic, love is an interesting phenomenon
Something that wanders in our imagination
An illumination in the darkness

And I won't have you beholden to me
Unless you want to
Unless you want me to
Unless the canvas of your life needs colour
Unless you want me around forever

-PRK-

Opaque

Enchanted by mystery
Charmed by the eclipse found in solace

Untouchable, warm and discreet
A whiff of secrecy wounding me so deep

So promiscuous when I close my eyes
Lost in fantasy, possessed by desire

Unrequited yet complacent
Ah! Astonishingly absurd

-PRK-

Bebas

Soalan ku masih yang sama
Sentiasa berkaitan dengan ertinya cinta
Kerna aku sering dihantui dan sering dipermainkan
Oleh igauan usang
Seperti mereka, aku juga ingin bahagia
Seperti mereka, aku juga ingin meneroka dunia
Akan tetapi, aku sudah penat menanti
Semakin lesu, semakin segan dengan fantasi
Aku tarik nafasku
Dan aku yakin ini haluan yang harus kurentas
Yang harus ku tinggalkan agar aku bebas
Bebas kah?
Jawapannya hanya pada diriku
Setelah aku rentasi hutan dan jalan berliku itu

-PRK-

I Like The Idea

I like the idea that we're different and how it is proven
I like the idea that we are improving and knowing that we're living
I like the idea that we have things that were worthless more than what's worth our while
I like the idea that we didn't second guess even for a while
I like the idea that I'm intimidating and you're intimidated
I like the idea that I wasn't wrong about what we leave unattended
I like the idea that you're happily married and that I am happier without it
I like the idea that you're making it and I've made it

-PRK-

Rasukan

Sesegar embun pagi hikayat ini mulai wujud
Mabuk, dirasuk cinta, ku terkulai di suatu sudut
Indah, tenang dan merdu bak soneta
Karya penyair di zaman bahari membuka rahsia
Dan aku pun terlena, terbayang saat bahagia
Kau dah aku berbual bersama
Sehingga terbenamnya matahari, disondol rembulan
Dan hilangnya bimbang, dihanyutkan hujan

-PRK-

Once A Tale

There was a tale that I didn't understand
Couldn't put my finger on it but I tried to comprehend
There were so much words I never spoke of in the end
But there was such a notion I constantly seek to melt in
The warmth was familiar, the intimacy too
Though one thing is peculiar - the trust I had in you
The walls around us couldn't hide a tone so true
But the wall between us is yet to be incised in two
You were broken and I was torn apart
You tried to act cool but it's reaching your heart
And me and my pride couldn't seem to part
But that was then, now you've dethawed my heart
Unconsciously yet a libellous one
And the fear begin, we were both toyed once
And why must this tale begin to confuse me again?
When will this tale flows easy for me to understand?

-PRK-

Inglorious Glow

So I tried to read your mind but your snigger caught me
I tried to breathe easy but your tinkers poached me
So suspicious; this notion between you and me
Yet so wondrously it lingers, snuggling me
No promises made, no expectations foreseen
Though it seems unpromising and almost unseen
Will it remain inglorious, I'd rather not know
For if it stays notorious, I'd doom the glow

-PRK-

Bukan Sekarang, Kasih

Kopi ku bancuh, ku hirup di pagi hari
Sambil ku perhatikan dirimu sedang beraksi
Kau bagaikan pendekar impian di dalam mimpi
Caramu berbicara memeriahkan emosi
Ku jatuh cinta bukan kerna rupa wajah mu
Bukan juga sebesar kotak wang ringgit mu
Ku cuma senang hati dengan pemikiran mu
Jauh kau memandang setinggi gunung Kinabalu
Awan berbisik sesama sendiri bila kau tiada
Membuat ku resah, berbicara tanpa suara
Kasih, kau membuatkan diriku merana
Namun mungkin itu semua dugaan beta
Laksaman pena ku, biarlah disini saja
Sampai masanya nanti kita kan bertemu juga
Perasaan ini ku tahu akan kekal
Mungkin bukan sekarang, tetapi ku harus cekal

-PRK-

Doleful Devotee

My heart is beating like my percussion
It's beating for an atomizer of affection
The calmest adjuster to my passion
The cheesiest romance to my deviation
The dearest bidder to my emotion
The clearest thrust to my expectation
The amplifier to my creation
That dusters my competition
That see me through my destination
That walk me through expectation
Without detention
Or indeterminate sentence
Because I'm the bouffant devotee to the platform
Of Shakespearean’s rotation
Pain and pleasure with no question
It's just one of those profound conversation
The repetition crime of fairytale
Matter fact, I'm the repetition crime many would compel
For I fall again in love with the King
Whose wives and mistresses rhythms are in sync
But this fervor inside is burning my palm
For the ocean's waves is never at calm

-PRK-

Ocean Breeze

He tinged her velvet lips, searching into her eyes
A hunt so choleric then slipped between her thighs
Her nails sliced through his skin, octave went high
A plunder she lust after, a diversion that never dies
His body drew closer to hers that's burning
Ablazed as they lean against each other's yearning
Confiding her sureness and puissant oddity
A symmetrical penury, a breeze that's probatory
As the sun take root, two souls simmered down
Softly they whispered, anticipating for the frown
But the love story marched on, along with the zephyr
Every moment then wangled the dire masquerader

-PRK-