Broken, Again; Until Then

I woke up zombified
A living dead living in lies
I didn't know how I'd ever survive
Truth is, I can't even look into your eyes
The story went on that I'm stronger than ever
Only God knows how I'm trying to keep it together
When it's too quiet, I can hear your voice
I can hear you talking and it's not a choice
It's not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't
I fell too soon and I fell deep into confusion
"What is this?" I asked but I can't get the answer
I supposed it was just what my heart desired
What I longed for as I'm no longer searching for 'forever'
What I needed most is a soul that would love me better
Accept me for me, for what I have in mind, night and day
For my thoughts, my questions and my plans in May
Dear diary, would you show me where I went wrong?
From all my entries, show me what I shouldn't have spelt wrong
What I shouldn't have assumed, shouldn't have consumed
For now I've got nowhere to go, nothing to write, nothing to look forward to
But another day, another soul that would make me forget you
Broken again
Yes, I'm broken again
For this quest has no end
And so..
Until then

-PRK-

Destroyed

Destroyed...
That's what I was
I was destroyed and my heart would weep silently
And I would ask myself how long will I just hold on to dreams and hopes
Then you came
Things weren't fixed but perhaps I was given hope
At least something to remember
Something to help me cope
I don't know what this is
It's like a euphoria
Something that hums at the other end
But now I'm just tired
Tired of uncertainties
Tired of sitting back
Tired of being on my own
Tired of being alone...
And destroyed

-PRK-

Stay Quiet

There are moments that I just want to be around silence
Around soundless noises and muted screams
Around loud muffle and perhaps quietened wail
For my mind is crowded, in fact exhausted
And my soul is somehow dreary,
Detached from the euphoria that was once so melodious, poetic and rhythmical
That was yearned and required
Now it's a pastime
A selective circumvention
And I am a patient of selective mutism
For I will speak only when spoken to
I will wave only when I want to
And I will knock on your door only when I feel like it
Because the world is too noisy for me
The world alone
That includes you - the stranger, you - the friend and you - my thoughts

-PRK-

Reality Is...

Why didn't you leave?
I'm staying for the kids.
I want us to stay for the kids.

Why didn't you leave?
A divorce is not acceptable in our society.
And it shouldn't be the last resort.

Why didn't you leave?
Every marriage has its own struggle.
I don't want to give up on mine.

Why didn't you leave?
It shouldn't be too easy.
Nobody said it was easy.

Why didn't you leave?
He is my life.
And I'm his holy wedded wife.

Why didn't you leave?
I have nowhere to go.
I don't even know where to go.

-PRK-

Beholden, Need Not

I don't want to own you
A jaywalker, and if you're the fence, I just want to walk pass you
See you every day for a little while as I walk down the street
Sweeping you off my feet maybe; with my cuffs, if you're the ground that is
Maybe water you in the morning on my way to work if you're the flowerbed

I don't want to hang on to you
A bird, and you're a tree, I just want to drop by and perch for a while when it's too hot
Or when it rains, you'll be my shelter
Or maybe I'll lay down on your dried leaves on the ground if I'm being me
I'll pick a book and have a read

I don't want to cling to you
But if I'm a photographer I wouldn't mind a suspicious dollar bill to take your photos
Capturing your smile, your goofy self and your gaze
Even if you feel uncomfortable, not being yourself in the morning, I'll make you pose for fun
And bribe you for breakfast!

I won't try to possess you, convince you
But I'll fight you, make you say what you want to say
Make you say what you mean and mean what you say
I'll cut you till you bleed to make you feel alive
Make you realise that I'll be there if you need me around

Because we met to meet, met to love, met to care
Not necessarily to be with each other, be in love, be in each other's care
Because love is a mystery, love is poetic, love is an interesting phenomenon
Something that wanders in our imagination
An illumination in the darkness

And I won't have you beholden to me
Unless you want to
Unless you want me to
Unless the canvas of your life needs colour
Unless you want me around forever

-PRK-