Quest and Questions

It is pretty unknown to me what home feels like
Never quite stationed, I see different moonlights
Paths - they grow darker, at times I lose sight
Always prepared to fly in search of smooth nights
Will it shed a new light?
Should I pick a blue knight?
Will the rhythm unite?
So many questions tonight
But the universe, they say, is all magical
Spread good vibes, they say, ungrammatical
And if you get to have it your way, do not be dogmatical
On Lord's day or short sway, do not be fanatical
Your political stand - they may be lyrically grand
But their wrinkly hands are devoted to the land
They voted for their future, for the man who planned
The harpoons, asylums and heroic command
Beaten, quietened, some chastened for treason
Weakened, yet smitten by the polished religion
Some find solace in the romanticist
Some are corrected strictly by the semanticist
The doubts that they place on the bioethicist
Synonymous to the darkness before the exodus
Does it matter - a neoclassicist, biophysicist, cyberneticist?
Questions remain questions - deathlike and venomous
Shot to pieces, psychokinesis,
The darker it gets, that is mutagenesis!
This is not a poem, but a quest of a churchless nemesis
What exude in the ovum was...
Fashioned in the apoapsis

-PRK-

Manifesto

Some have killed and pillaged but the struggle never ends
Reigned by the supreme, feeling lost in this homeland
Belittle and castigate one another causing pain
What's the point of all this? Aren't our blood all the same?
I guess not; now violent is the culture of the world
So much rage, enslavement happens to all boys and girls
Aggression, affection, or are we all playing dumb?
Can't blame this commotion on the riches or the slum
What's the ultimate salvation? Another round of reformation?
Bloodbath, a cold bath, in the name of such religion?
See this is not about principles, it's all fanaticism
Superstitious beliefs, self-glorification
Origins and doctrines mystified, misinterpreted
The essence of the truth they've all eradicated
I was brought to this world to understand and seek the truth
But so far when I see you, you were aching these youth
Needed them to stay confused, make sure they get used
To the way they get bruised, the way you abused the accused
Now get this, you're not the God or boss of us
You’re probably just another parasite, even worse, just a puss
Dying by the minute when the rest of us diminish
How long more can you fight this when the world comes to a finish?
I fear for your mentality, the one that caused brutality
Enabler of calamity, still grooming all your prodigy
My dear, your ruling majesty, guess you've not seen the sanity
You've been riding so high in life, your middle name is vanity
The Holy Ghost won't cover you, but see those moths, they'll hover you
And if the orphans could, they would cloud your sky with choppers too
Now tell them what the monarchs knew, the evilness you can't unscrew
The inmates, the elderlies, they'd even crack a tooth or two
To see that you keep your words, your manifesto, not your turd
To see that you really care for those you once left unheard
Preachers - they preach, there's the gap and there's the bridge
Now let your actions speak, your promises - you keep

-PRK-

How Do You Convince Them?

How do you convince them?
And tell them that it agonises you sometimes
The mental and emotional drainage it cost you
When the right decisions they are making
Are not the right ones after all
And that you have to pick up the pieces with a straight face
When all you want to do is bash them

Leave them like how they have left you
But obviously, you cannot
They brought you to the world
So-called raised you and stand by you
As they should at all times

But how do you convince them?
That you have had enough of the illusions
And wrong moves they have made over the years
That your sturdy walls are about to break
That you have slowly become wimpy
That your brute force is looking at its cremation
That you shattered and want it to stop
That it is time for you to kiss goodbye
To everything that you were never prepared for

How do you convince them?
That you have fought too long
Not to be the living soul they unknowingly curated you to be
That you want them to wake up and smell the coffee
That you want them to admit
That they have caused you all the pain and agony
That you never saw the world as a child
And you wanted to be that child

How do you convince them?

-PRK-

Drifting Away

You make me write
I am a private person but you make me express my feelings
My poems were not as deep or as honest
Until you showed me yours
And told that it is okay to be vulnerable

And I was vulnerable with you
I opened up and shared my secrets with you
But I am still secretive
And you often wonder why

I miss the days I would spend waiting for your calls
And the nights I would dedicate to listen to your voice
And the once very early call you made when you were drunk

Often they wonder why I am still talking to you
And about you
Despite the distance and that we never met
And may never meet each other

Sometimes I hate your guts
But all they heard were compliments
You stimulated my mind
You showed me different perspectives
And you showed me your world
With words and through your voice and intense vibe

You were my best friend
But sometimes I wonder if you were real
If you were my imaginary best friend
A phase I never went through as a child

We went on road trips through Google Street View
It felt like I have known you forever
And on the sixth month or so
We made plans like long lost best friends do
I was looking forward to see you

I counted the days and nights patiently
But slowly things began to change
I went through a transition
I was once again unstable
And I could not talk to you

I often wondered why, myself
A few months down
And I think I know the answer
An answer that perhaps will draw you further away from me
If I ever tell you

So I chose to keep it to myself
And went back to my old nature
I am to remain private and secretive
As I slowly drift away from you

Drifting away, but on my mind
In my heart and on my skin
You were never gone

-PRK-

Secrets

As I walk in wide-eyed wonder, I explore the soot-filled nooks
Unravelling the secrets of life through untold stories
And every fragment of what was brought together
Makes me wonder what brought me to life
The blossoming sexuality, the natural boisterousness
And unfulfilled desires of every human being I meet
On their quest for happiness

Amidst moments of hurt, hate, and heal
While preserving their traditions
Under the onslaught of modernism
Triggers my opinions on personalities and characters
And like shockwaves of panic in a dystopian drama,
I discover the meaning of human nature
Its novelistic details, the filtered perspectives
The strictures of patriarchy and the struggles of matriarchy
It's like a comedy laced with cruelty between rain-soaked epiphanies
The comforting words, ingenuity, the barbed jokes
And the truest opinions from the boldest of souls
Souls that fight to stay alive, that march to stand their ground
Souls that gives witty commentaries
On love and loyalty, money and social classes
On races and religions, dilemmas and conundrums
And on my occasional slip into the realm of melodrama
I realise that life, with its mishaps, is just a practical magic
A drunk night of fries and margaritas
A middle finger protest and feminist treatise
An epic journey alongside a broody convict
And at times, an opportunity to sink
Into the psyche of a single-minded survivor
A singular vision and an individual suicide
But how true are they - these secrets of life?
And how perceptive are we with one secret after another?

-PRK-

Come Second

Once a priority, the next, a reserve
Merely an escape
A fling that's conserved
And my soul was relinquished
To one that don't deserve
The passion so wide
Yet the devotion took a swerve
So I followed the curved line
Led me back to the unknown
My emotions were swirled
As if I was stoned
I felt myself falling, drifting away, alone
Slowly escalating, until I know I was gone
Then I questioned myself
I questioned my faith
Will I last through any weather
Will I survive the interfaith
I've gone through the fifth
Will I make it to the eighth
Or will this forever be my wraith?

-PRK-

Sunset Gaze

As I gaze across the river at dusk
I gaze across many lives
Revealing themselves
And leaving every bit of their soul with me
As I row my boat
Despite the silence, I hear noises
I hear music, every now and then
Not of flutes or soft guitars
But the unconscious howling
Of the mystifying shadows
And often I wonder, are these shadows of the hominians or phantasmas?
Unnamed and trapped
On the other side of the oblivion gate
Constantly battling their way out...
I believe this sunset gaze across the river
Has no end
Time may have abbreviated
And I witnessed change
But will I see these souls again?
Perhaps another sunset
Tomorrow...
Gazing steadily to the horizon
Of orange rays, as it slowly fades
Or after another full moon?

-PRK-

Soulmates Preoccupied

The thoughts of you preoccupy me
My days, my nights,
My personal stories about you, they sanctify me
The late nights we'd spend examining the eroticised city
The quiet moments we'd weakly fight its monstrous credibility
The early mornings we'd reflect its breathtaking need of poetry
Over numberless cigarettes
And countless cups of coffee
Quoting lyrics of our favourite song, escaping reality...
Exploring our raging connection like connoisseurs
And slaves to untutored passion, unlearned propagandas
Moving rhythmically on instincts and conjectures
No disclaimers, no disclosures
No dilemmas, just self-conscious
And an accomplice so uninhibited, a romantic promiscuous
Perhaps soulmates like you and I
Perhaps anonymous poets
With thoughts preoccupied

-PRK-

May We, The Women

See I have this impulse to idolise the dead, the strong
The uncompromised; you can see it in my eyes
The kind of respect I have,
I look up to the women with the strength I'm building to ratify

You can't stop the droplets from slipping in
You can't deny the power that we're bringing in
The tender moments, jokes, and anecdotes that we'll stop at nothing
And the loss we're lapsing into a fond reminiscent

Here's to the heroes that we're missing
To Cleopatra who defined independent strength
To Rosa Parks for the civil rights movement
And Josephine Baker with her rhythmic hands
Stood beside Martin Luther King, not for the fame

Even Malala's bravery was on point then
Who would have thought she could stop the rain
And she fought her pain to open a brand new lane to many stories worth to pen
And Frida Kahlo's agonised poetry on canvas inspired me

You see it's about time we paint our own reality
Like the lady with the lamp in 1853
Florence Nightingale took a stand in equality
And Marie Curie battled sexism entirely
Throughout her journey till 1903
The prize she won didn't mean anything really
But 1911 proved she's not just an accessory

Elizabeth the daughter of one of the most feared Kings
Over decades she was feared like fear was the in thing
Married to her kingdom, the longest serving monarch
The only mistress of half an island, power to the matriarch

But these are only a handful of ones I constantly thank
For knocking on my door of perceptions, never leaving me blank
Heroes in their own right, top of every rank
And Maya Angelou for the poetry bank

And here's to the women soon to be saluted
May the praiseworthy legacy never be polluted
The setbacks, the side paths, may they always be blessed
May we, the major component continue fighting for the rest

-PRK-

The Peace Pipe

I have had faulty illusions
I was mindful, felt just a little lower than God
I wanted to be remembered as some kind of paragon
In full dimensions; unflawed
In several occasions; applaud
Even in the broadest sweep of sea, I wanted to leave my mark
But as I gaze at the ocean,
Beneath the panorama of clouds
Seeking peace in my heart and mind, I was terror-stricken
I felt the pressure of unspoken grief
And every increment of pain, so delicate, yet deadly
In the vastly different darkness
Discouraged my sense of impudence
And led me into the unknown adventure
Pushed me into outmoded territory
Where I saw only incorporeal beings
Poltergeist and shadows of the defeated
Ones who were romantic daredevils
Who lived a poetic life - the Shakespearean type
Browbeaten by hopeful expectation
Who believed they were irreplaceable
That there were no other preferences
Until death began, and time slowly abbreviate
Until strokes of luck cease to exist
Until what is left to do is to plead ignorance
Swim with the tide and rest in peace...
To whom it may concern,
I have smoked the peace pipe
Now let me take this leave
Believe my dying words
And acknowledge my last hurrah

-PRK-

Fear

Staring into nothing,
At a pathway unresolved
My thoughts were clouded,
All one thousand and one of them
That I couldn't pen
That I couldn't give tongue to
But they kept running through my mind
Making passes, leaving notes
And this, I said, is due to fear
The fear that overpowered
And shuts me down
The fear of the unknown
Of life and of death
The fear that sends me floating
In a dark space
I gripped tight, the rope
Trying not to drift off into darkness
But now, in another dimension
A destiny I couldn't escape
Looking into the life I left drowning
In dirty waters
The one that went deaf on ears
Seized by nerves
And destroyed by toxic thoughts
I asked herself again,
"Exactly what was it that I feared?"
A shadow appeared,
My own shadow...
"You feared ME."

-PRK-

Dovetail Narration

He looked at me from across the room
Undressing me with his eyes
He put down the book he was reading
Snow by Orhan Pamuk
"A good book," he said. "Of political religions."
"Religious girls weren't allowed to wear their head scarves for some reason."

I looked into his almond-shaped eyes and dove deep
"Is he a broken soul?" I asked myself
Smokey brown eyes, deep, tormented yet playful
I was impressed by his choice of literature
From point A to point B, he came close
Inch by inch we get closer, spelling each other's significance
Our eyes met and I looked at his face
My breathing pattern changed

I touched his face
Weather-beaten, almost perfectly symmetrical face
He pulled me close and our noses met
I brushed my cheeks against his
The gritty stubble he left growing over the weekend tickled me

His lips, broad and thick,
A chain smoker, sort of parched
Yet so desirable
I kissed it, it was tender and soft
He then looked me in the eyes
He smirked with his eyes gleaming
As if his retinas were painted with only solace; no delinquency

And I could read him like a book
And immediately understood his pathways
The purpose of his visits
The meaning of his touches
The essence of his voice
I know them all, but I kept my thoughts to myself
I questioned none, nor am I about to question any

His heavy breath down my neck spells lust
And he caressed my chest
As if looking for something he had lost in a black hole
Slowly he undid the top button of my blouse
One hand going across my abdominal parts
The other gripping my hand tight
As if tightening a scouting knot
The words on my lips hailed by storm

And my heart skipped a beat
When he politely took off my blouse
"Hmm.. Laces," he said, with a mischievous look in his eyes
He kissed me again, heavily this time
The scent of his mouth and the taste of his lips
Just the same as I remember them

So was the warmth of his touch
The kind that sends shiver down my spine
And I squirmed as if having seizure
Hypnotised and devoured by emotion, I took off his shirt
And like memorised verses, he laid me down
He studied my body as I admire his

His shadow grazed over my smooth skin
His fingers, his eager hands, his palm
So calloused, yet so smooth
His collarbone and arms, tattooed
Of theological imagery and picturesque emblem of spirituality

I know this - I'm not special to him
But a quarter to 5, I turned to my left
His face close to mine; a face with cryptogram printed on it
His heavy breathing, his heartbeat

And my dawn arose with him next to me
A chiselled body covered with holy visages
Except for a patch closer to the molten core of his being
Camouflaged by occult imagery reflecting a prognostic of nihilism
An organ that is destined to stop
A beautiful art I cannot resist nor call my own

-PRK-

Black Hole Romance

Many risked so much to signs, alarmed and amused
I was walking on many paths, mainly the ones not taken
But all paths eventually lead directly to a singularity
Of which I cannot escape from, of which I can never move directly away from
And then I tried and kept trying, I was running away
Running away from many things, from gloomy evenings
A constant presence of dashing desires, hoping to discover a portal to another dimension
To a miraculous place away from angular discomfort
From political religions, from injustice done to believers
Running away from myself, from the turmoils inside me
From memories, I couldn't dredge, from thoughts they admonished
From the discotheques of deceit, from the terrible tidal that forces me
That unravels my body into streams of atoms of hate of unconditional destruction
I wanted to disappear, I needed to escape
I needed to withdraw from the race the painful ordeals
But to my face, they say, halfway down the slope of hope
There’s nothing on the other side, but disassembly and death

A black hole, so mystifying, romanticising our last breath 

-PRK-

A Man for a Woman

She seem serene, almost cheerful
And beneath the drape,
She is intolerably pornographic
Incomparable to the many prodigies
Of the female gender
To the painting and sculpture
Of a perfect figure - the modern Aphrodite

Her uncompromising intelligence
Is beyond the average valve
Of knowledge of many commoners
And her unfathomable brilliance
Often applaud by the royalties
And the likes of Athena

But often as the sun sets
And as the ocean breeze slows down
Becoming colder by the second
She would wander
Wanting to fade into the horizon
To leave the column of thick smoke
That spreads only gloom and sorrow
And the reverberating deviltry
Penetrating every abandoned soul

So melancholic and she is at bay
Trapped in the social stigmatisation
Of the nameless physical desire
Of essential strangers
Those who admire one that is both
A gift and a curse to her

But beneath her skin, she sees scars, she feels cuts
Bites of ants, stings of bees
Bruises from her struggles with identity
The romantic hypocrisy
And the disciplines of love, trust, faith and romance

And in the nightfall, only he could hear her cry
Sometimes tender, sometimes in agony
At times her cries sounds like
A navigated symphony
With no sense of pitch
And feels like a personal visit to an inferno

Her somber frequencies are no merriment to him
But the diminutive chime of her solitude
Her exhausted somnolence
Narrowed pedestal and
And her eagerness to be freed
To escape the fence of pentameter
Is ironically a Gospel music to his ear

Such is a particular gift of the bringer of dawn
The emissary of broken souls
Of defeated conquering heroes
Of bewitching beasts
Blinding them with his superficial charm

Such is the power of Lucifer
Engendering heartsease in her drama
An emotional parasite
A puppeteer inciting guilt 

Such is a strong power play
Between the giver and the taker
The sadistic and masochistic
The familiar inner voice
The silent killer that exists within you
And I

-PRK-

Past Perfect

I used to be dirt poor
I didn't need to go to the well for water
But there were hardships
That led to depression
I remember I laughed a lot
And shut myself from the world later
But I'd rose from all my falls
I'd slip and roll but I'd get back up
It was like solving crossword puzzle
Pointlessly in the dark
Sometimes I'd reach into my pockets
Only to take out the few bucks I have
To survive, to make it through each day
But we all have that past
And that past is meant to guide you
Not define you
Because we all used to be dirt poor
But not our faith and kindness

-PRK-

The Crossover

It's transcendental; the experience I assume,

It's ought to be
The ecclesiastical purposes of a person often led them to a miraculous tubularity
Masters of a mystical landscape - or so they believe
And lost their way in the excursion into the realm of theory
A direct insight of heaven and hell
A modest treasure of believers
Until they don't towards sundown
Until death is the only fear, the only truth
The ultimatum of all homos:
Sapiens and its many collectives

-PRK-

Uno Oscula

Amid his roar she grasp for breath
And he glances down at her
Admiring a spine of desire in her eyes
The state of her physiological intelligence
The force of her lechery
A holy eucharist he owns
A temple he religiously visits
A necessary passage of his existence
As one whose love song is intimate
Whose muse is a blessing in disguise
On a bitter night, at the edge of the bridge
Saved by her contradictory impulses
And the one word she uttered:
JUMP!

-PRK-

Melodic Psychosis

The music pursued its course
Two bars together
Never monotonous
Sometimes exaggerated
Oddly enough, at times cold and disorganised
Lack of sympathy
Breaking the bridge of the human world
Through uneven phrases
Through individual fragments
Through prose and chaos
Dredging up agony
And subconsciously my body
Separate itself from my mind, my soul
And the diagnose: SLIPPED DISC!

-PRK-

Traffic and Pretence

I avoid watching him gazing in my direction;
Because doubt keeps passing me by,
Making me feel like a wretched idiot
Stuck in traffic, acting like a citizen,
I pretended I didn't see him
But I viewed him through the gauze of my window
And we know we're both exchanging glances
Every now and then,
Reciting our own poems in our private reality;
Both in a limbo
Where we conversate through couplets;
Hidden beneath out quilts,
In an atmosphere so chaste;
That bores no traces of shameless love
Though we breathe only our guilt,
Together in a gesture of a morbid welcome
That ends when the traffic turns green
Where we stop when all goes;
Leaving our pretence

-PRK-

Senja Si Manusia

Kita lahir menjadi nyawa
Ada yang lahir bijak laksana
Menghembus nafas mencari jasa
Namum tiada siapa yang hidup sempurna
Aku juga longlai dimakan usia
Menanti untuk mendengar suara
Dan kalimat yang sama
Yang kaya adat pusaka
Bukan hidup yang berlimpah harta
Kerna rosaknya hati, badan pun binasa
Walaupun muda, juga perkasa
Seribu tahun tak kan bahagia juga
Maka hati yang betul hendaklah disahaja
Sebelum rentung sidang budiman kita
Sebelum lemas ditelan kabus senja

-PRK-