Secrets

As I walk in wide-eyed wonder, I explore the soot-filled nooks
Unravelling the secrets of life through untold stories
And every fragment of what was brought together
Makes me wonder what brought me to life
The blossoming sexuality, the natural boisterousness
And unfulfilled desires of every human being I meet
On their quest for happiness

Amidst moments of hurt, hate, and heal
While preserving their traditions
Under the onslaught of modernism
Triggers my opinions on personalities and characters
And like shockwaves of panic in a dystopian drama,
I discover the meaning of human nature
Its novelistic details, the filtered perspectives
The strictures of patriarchy and the struggles of matriarchy
It's like a comedy laced with cruelty between rain-soaked epiphanies
The comforting words, ingenuity, the barbed jokes
And the truest opinions from the boldest of souls
Souls that fight to stay alive, that march to stand their ground
Souls that gives witty commentaries
On love and loyalty, money and social classes
On races and religions, dilemmas and conundrums
And on my occasional slip into the realm of melodrama
I realise that life, with its mishaps, is just a practical magic
A drunk night of fries and margaritas
A middle finger protest and feminist treatise
An epic journey alongside a broody convict
And at times, an opportunity to sink
Into the psyche of a single-minded survivor
A singular vision and an individual suicide
But how true are they - these secrets of life?
And how perceptive are we with one secret after another?

-PRK-

Soulmates Preoccupied

The thoughts of you preoccupy me
My days, my nights,
My personal stories about you, they sanctify me
The late nights we'd spend examining the eroticised city
The quiet moments we'd weakly fight its monstrous credibility
The early mornings we'd reflect its breathtaking need of poetry
Over numberless cigarettes
And countless cups of coffee
Quoting lyrics of our favourite song, escaping reality...
Exploring our raging connection like connoisseurs
And slaves to untutored passion, unlearned propagandas
Moving rhythmically on instincts and conjectures
No disclaimers, no disclosures
No dilemmas, just self-conscious
And an accomplice so uninhibited, a romantic promiscuous
Perhaps soulmates like you and I
Perhaps anonymous poets
With thoughts preoccupied

-PRK-

Menanti Sekeping Hati

Seringkali aku mengeluh
Aku berbicara dengan sang bulan
Ingin aku sampaikan padamu kata-kata yang tak terucap

Tentang kehilangan, keinginan, segala yang rumit
Dan tentang likuan jalan yang aku tempuhi

Aku sentiasa terasa keseorangan
Terasa kosong dan sunyi
Walau dikelilingi yang tersayang
Cuma tanpa kamu

Kelibatmu tak pernah kelihatan
Aku pasti, kelak pasti ada
Satu waktu untuk kita berdua

Sekiranya kamu kembali, temuilah aku di sini
Di tebing, sentiasa menanti sekeping hati yang telah pergi

-PRK-

The Chancellor

I exist in an ambiguous space and time
Where the city is turning mad
With evildoings and violence taking its toll
Often I wish I was far away
In the sounds of silence
Nothing but peace at the border of the town
Maybe in the woods, perhaps the hills
Where I don't feel that I should change my name
My address and identity in the hope of finding freedom
Where I don't have to live in the shadow of fear
A certain power that will always hunt me down

I am consumed by my pursuit to survive where I am
My desire is to come out of the clutches of somewhat a tormenting other half
Often they say that sometimes it takes the darkest hour of our life
The fear of death, to regain our consciousness back into life
I am not just one person
I am that two lives
The completely symbiotic nature of a couple
Constantly in our darkest hour
Going against each other
Like a relationship that has already fallen apart
That is moving fast towards its end

"But do not lose hope", they say
As I wander on empty streets every passing night
As I lose myself to my relentless angst towards somewhat an unyielding life
"Your life is an anthology. Your chapter is not done yet."
I answered them, "but it is not and never was mine to write.
I am never my own person.
I am a puppet.
My life began with an incessant harassment by that I should never mention.
I was pushed to a corner, to take the extreme step.
I never meant to end a life.
I never wanted to take a life.
All I wanted was freedom.

And come 1945."

-PRK-

Flake Off, Quagmire

Needles pierced through my skin 

Attached to the machine

Entering the layers perhaps 1/16" of an inch

At approximately 10-15 needle drops per second

Fast enough to avoid puncturing my skin 

And causing bleeding 

And yet slow enough to avoid tearing it

It bled and wept a little

But it was a uniquely personal experience

They often ask if it's sore; if the pain is unspeakable 

That somehow got me thinking once - no, a few times

That if I'd cut myself, will I bleed black?

Like the ink used for my tattoos

But I don't blame them for asking such a question 

Fooled by horror stories, they're bound to think that it's excruciating 

Often I'd like to tell them that my body can take almost anything 

A cut, a burn, 10 tattoos, and counting 

My body can withstand different amounts of pain

No need for drugs that can thin the blood

No need for skin-numbing creams

Because it is in the mind that I control the sensation 

It is my mental strength that I can always hinge upon

But no matter how strong my mind is

Sometimes my heart fails 

Every time it got fooled, played and hurt

Only time can tell how long I'd have to heal the pain

Unlike the healing process of my tattoos  

It was never quite manageable

An open wound still

I don't know how a healed heart feels like

But... Flake off, Quagmire

-PRK-

If I Meet You In Greece

If I meet you in Greece, I hope it'll be in Delphi
So you and I can talk about things honeymooners don't often discuss
For you are political and you've studied religions
While I am still learning and looking for directions
And I hope we'll meet in the month of October
So we can catch the summer light and sound shows on the Acropolis
At the hill and the Parthenon, perhaps creating our own Sound of Music

But if we don't meet in Greece..

Well, I don't want to think about not meeting!

-PRK-

Charmed

Your aura enamours me
Though you're not here in person,
I could feel the warmth you'd have given me
Through rough days and cold nights
Through early mornings and long fights
That's how much your presence and absence means to me

Though you're probably only making a cameo in my life
At least I know you exist
As your existence was something I longed for
Since I remember care
Since I remember having a company l could share my ups and downs with
Since I remember how missing someone feels like

-PRK-

Eulogium

Tight as 9/11 - that's how shut my world was
Away from the abuses - verbal abuses as loud as the Krakatoa eruption
A destructive explosion enough to break every bone

Explode every blood vessels, and rip off every muscle from million miles away
"What's with the sporadic abuses?" I'd asked myself
Why so abrasive? Why so unkind?
Why am I scorned upon over the mistakes that were not mine?
Punished as I walk every Swedish mile; escaping from the remainder of my past
Until you make me fall in love with the defiance of anger
Spellbound by the thought of revenge, but it is not revengement that I delve for
It is a calumet of peace that I contrive - a contentment in life
Perhaps one day, having them read a poignant eulogy
Of a mutilated personage; shunned and left to trade zingers in solitary
The one who became noble and serene

Whose entries aren't about any pageant queen

A fiendish scream or a charlatan's scheme

-PRK-

Within The English Village

As I walk down the streets, wide and narrow streets, l often imagine them
Braving trashings, insults, death threats, batons, teargas, water cannons, the works
And with thousands of riot police trying to break up the protests and strikes
A force to be reckoned with, me, as part of them, hope to perhaps make history again
A history where behind the cloak of fear,  the gale of creative destruction would be unleashed
To be set free to put an end to the unrealistic demands, the catastrophic social implications and the political games of those from every sides of the divide

Of course in my mind, I'm very much controlled,
I'm very much prepared to rein in the masses against the authoritarian rules and religion
Ready for the straight journalistic report of the biting satire and classical literary themes
If not ever-ready to dance along to the euphoric political rallies 
But these are just my imaginations, my wish and hope to be the vanguard of change
And often I wonder, would it have meant a triumphant journey if I know what exactly am I defending, what exactly am I fighting for

Often I don't
Often I'm torn
Often all I see is a thin line instead of a silver lining
Often we all don't
Often we are still trying to comprehend what transpired the previous day's curiosity 
And often it's the biased ideologies
Within the English village
In which we are often bullied into submission, to keep mum
By the ruling elite and the flawed system

-PRK-

I'll Have You Know

There are nights that I wish I didn't miss you
And there'll be nights that I wish I didn't see you
Passing by the lot like I never really knew you
It isn't about the touch but the memories we made, boo
There were nights that I'd wait for your calls
And when the phone don't ring, I'd slowly drown in my squalls
Sometimes the awful silence seems louder than our brawls
But these are the nights that explains it all
With every note that changes in every song
And as the pages change too, everything seems wrong
Did we fall out of love, or has it been too long?
Has it been long enough to rewrite the song?
Now don't sweat it, hun, I've seen the real you
I guess you're dealing with a lot of things I went through
But I'm sure it's more than just a hairdo
More than just another weekend you have to get through
You could be right, but I don't take excuses
You're telling me that I'm losing all my focus
The fact of the matter is, you're losing your muses
I'll have you know what an actual truce is

-PRK-

A Paradigm Shift Perhaps

After the storm and unavoidable turbulences
I wanted to sit quietly and enjoy my own company
Or perhaps sit in a tree and watch the world go by
But I too wanted to sleep under the stars with you
Live today, talk about the world
And have a quiet time next to you
Find that balance that we both are looking for
And memorise poems that we can relate to
I want to listen to my own heartbeat
And love without fear
Forgive and forget, and find clarity of thought
Here, as I walk this earth with you
A paradigm shift perhaps, when I finally meet you

-PRK-

A Company, Maybe

I can hear the breeze brushing through the trees
Birds chirping and singing in melodies
Teenage girls joking and laughing with their grannies
Over a cup of coffee and chocolate chip cookies
And kids running around chasing each other
Playing hide and seek, I can hear their feet pitter-patter
And their moms gossiping with each other
Later talking about their family and the sounds of nature
While their dads catch up at the football game
Talking about their sons, the car engines and getting together for a jam
They look happy, no one seem to be in agony
Even sad faces then cracked a joke about the economy
It was a good day for an evening walk, definitely
But I just sat at the bench, appreciating life, wishing that birds could talk to me
So I can tell them I'm happy to be here
To watch the sunset with my bottle of beer
To tell my loved ones I love them dearly
And wishing they were all here with me
Or a company, maybe

-PRK-

She Found Peace

They told her,

"Breathe, and get your mind off it.
Sleep under the star, don’t let your mind lose it.
Accept imperfection, practice mindfulness.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, and live with no regrets."

And so she remained cool, remained calm and let them drool
Acted fooled when they claimed she’s under-ruled
Such depression made her lend a barf
Turned her head around, whispered,

"That's enough."

And so she took a bath by the candlelight
She meditated by the neon light
She let her feet take her towards the pink strobe light
Smiled when she saw those idiots slipped by the mountainside

And she thought,

"Oh, they were right. Be present in the moment, leave the past aside."

And so she found the good in all situations and laid on the grass
Embraced her freedom and held her head up with class

-PRK-

Bodied

Under the moon
Stars; the witness
Courneous voices
Silver rays, silver caresses
Scrambling to obey
Strength against weakness
Shuddering, grumbling
Hitting falsetto between shivers
Throats going dry
Screaming down to whispers
Grips getting tighter
Torsos lifted to the highest
And it drips, slowly catching breath, slowly retires
Such is the hungering desire
And a grand finale at its finest

-PRK-

Opaque

Enchanted by mystery
Charmed by the eclipse found in solace

Untouchable, warm and discreet
A whiff of secrecy wounding me so deep

So promiscuous when I close my eyes
Lost in fantasy, possessed by desire

Unrequited yet complacent
Ah! Astonishingly absurd

-PRK-

Bebas

Soalan ku masih yang sama
Sentiasa berkaitan dengan ertinya cinta
Kerna aku sering dihantui dan sering dipermainkan
Oleh igauan usang
Seperti mereka, aku juga ingin bahagia
Seperti mereka, aku juga ingin meneroka dunia
Akan tetapi, aku sudah penat menanti
Semakin lesu, semakin segan dengan fantasi
Aku tarik nafasku
Dan aku yakin ini haluan yang harus kurentas
Yang harus ku tinggalkan agar aku bebas
Bebas kah?
Jawapannya hanya pada diriku
Setelah aku rentasi hutan dan jalan berliku itu

-PRK-

Rasukan

Sesegar embun pagi hikayat ini mulai wujud
Mabuk, dirasuk cinta, ku terkulai di suatu sudut
Indah, tenang dan merdu bak soneta
Karya penyair di zaman bahari membuka rahsia
Dan aku pun terlena, terbayang saat bahagia
Kau dah aku berbual bersama
Sehingga terbenamnya matahari, disondol rembulan
Dan hilangnya bimbang, dihanyutkan hujan

-PRK-

Once A Tale

There was a tale that I didn't understand
Couldn't put my finger on it but I tried to comprehend
There were so much words I never spoke of in the end
But there was such a notion I constantly seek to melt in
The warmth was familiar, the intimacy too
Though one thing is peculiar - the trust I had in you
The walls around us couldn't hide a tone so true
But the wall between us is yet to be incised in two
You were broken and I was torn apart
You tried to act cool but it's reaching your heart
And me and my pride couldn't seem to part
But that was then, now you've dethawed my heart
Unconsciously yet a libellous one
And the fear begin, we were both toyed once
And why must this tale begin to confuse me again?
When will this tale flows easy for me to understand?

-PRK-

Ocean Breeze

He tinged her velvet lips, searching into her eyes
A hunt so choleric then slipped between her thighs
Her nails sliced through his skin, octave went high
A plunder she lust after, a diversion that never dies
His body drew closer to hers that's burning
Ablazed as they lean against each other's yearning
Confiding her sureness and puissant oddity
A symmetrical penury, a breeze that's probatory
As the sun take root, two souls simmered down
Softly they whispered, anticipating for the frown
But the love story marched on, along with the zephyr
Every moment then wangled the dire masquerader

-PRK-

Sun Set Style

A dewy mist intertwined with a sirocco of parched haze
A clamorous sorrow warring to leave without a baze
Unperceived, realized only when the redness beamed
When a honeyed rosiness smile was seen
So lurid it somehow seen somewhere from a distance
Blazing for attention, at least maybe a pittance
Hardly a drop though paid heed to such recklessness
Until twilight nuzzled and sank into classiness

-PRK-