Dear First Boyfriend

At 22 I asked myself if you were right for me
If we were ever going to be that kind of couple who sleeps on a bedsheet made of silk
If we were ever going to actually be compatible for each other
I loved you; I did so very deeply
You I thought, were my life but I felt a certain distance not too long after
At 16 I thought it was too soon to say anything
And you were living your life, working hard for your future
Me I thought, would just be a distraction
But I fell in love with you at 14
Soon after the day when I saw you from the living room window
And I invited you in
Never did I thought that you'd be the one I fell so deep for
I had dreams, I had hopes, I had plans
I wanted to travel the world with you
But I wasn't comfortable holding your hand
I wanted to kiss you at the park in the day
But I couldn't share with you my darkest secret
I wanted to be around your family and friends
But I could sense insincerity
The kind of energy that does not allow me to be me
It wasn't your fault and it's too cliché to say I'm the problem
But the universe kept dropping hints
Giving signs that I needed to let you go
And you, at that point really wanted to leave
At 26 I understood what it was
And that, I will keep to myself until the day I see you again
To tell you how I really feel

-PRK-