Charmed

Your aura enamours me
Though you're not here in person,
I could feel the warmth you'd have given me
Through rough days and cold nights
Through early mornings and long fights
That's how much your presence and absence means to me

Though you're probably only making a cameo in my life
At least I know you exist
As your existence was something I longed for
Since I remember care
Since I remember having a company l could share my ups and downs with
Since I remember how missing someone feels like

-PRK-

Selfish Love

Not that I miss you and wish you were here
I miss the person you once were
The time when you said you've waited
And didn't mind waiting until I say yes

Not that I'm saying I wish you didn't change
Because I have learned that at times I have to be content
And that I need to change

But I know me and I know you
I know I have my lows and so do you
How do we compromise
That time I wish I knew
And there is no secret I was still stuck to you

Until you made the call and left
Until I realised you couldn't wait anymore
Until I learned that love is not selfish
But the one who love and longed to be loved is

But you're a memory that keeps me up some nights
That reminds me of unresolved conflicts that they talked about
A memory that gives me clarity of thought
A memory that is common to a woman

A woman who deserves love and understanding
Not rules and regulations
A woman who deserves romance and warmth
Not terms and conditions
A woman who believes that she deserves to be herself

-PRK-

Eulogium

Tight as 9/11 - that's how shut my world was
Away from the abuses - verbal abuses as loud as the Krakatoa eruption
A destructive explosion enough to break every bone

Explode every blood vessels, and rip off every muscle from million miles away
"What's with the sporadic abuses?" I'd asked myself
Why so abrasive? Why so unkind?
Why am I scorned upon over the mistakes that were not mine?
Punished as I walk every Swedish mile; escaping from the remainder of my past
Until you make me fall in love with the defiance of anger
Spellbound by the thought of revenge, but it is not revengement that I delve for
It is a calumet of peace that I contrive - a contentment in life
Perhaps one day, having them read a poignant eulogy
Of a mutilated personage; shunned and left to trade zingers in solitary
The one who became noble and serene

Whose entries aren't about any pageant queen

A fiendish scream or a charlatan's scheme

-PRK-

The Case Study

Constantly driven by curiosity and his ethicality, his brain would rattle off - unforeseen
And the percussive sounds not only trigger the intellectuals; the constant short snaps triggers also poet laureates and the simpletons
From letters to words, words to sentences
Each verse, each stanza and each paragraph of his insights are coherently pronounced
Be it stories from the great depression
A shadow of a perfect stranger
Or the murmurs of his paramour
To wallstreet reports
And misrepresented world issues
Often I wonder how deep his thoughts is
And how much deeper can he go
To reach my depth
And of others whom he has yet to penetrate
Of things, even of the darkness within himself
And his own wilderness

-PRK-

Scar Tissue

She was born pure and simple
Brought into the world so innocent, so delicate
She looked around, desiring knowledge
Yet fascinated only to the unthinkable

And down the pike, she became repulsive
Does not recognise happiness
Though to most, she seems content, calm, at ease

Yet she felt only soreness
The deeper she gazed into her own eyes,
She somehow sees only resentment

She can be high-strung
But often overshadowed by melancholia - her own gloom, the blue devils
Until she reached her depths

Tight-lipped, tongue-tied, close-mouthed, not even murmurs
The girl with the frown would only shrug
And later cut deep into her own skin

And the art on her body were not just scars
The masterpiece placed close to her wrists indicates the end of her war
"Forever fighting a battle," she said. "And the demons have won."

The razor was her paintbrush
Her body was the canvas
But her masterpieces were never on display
Only when she died today

-PRK-

Shut The Fuck Up, Kind Sir

He came with his extempore skit - clueless, really
Didn't pay attention to the serious matters
Yet translated everything into elections on a jagged field and broken promises
And the reality is democracy for us died a long time ago
The system was decapitated
Honourable judges were unlawfully sacked
Independence was bought
Scandals, corruption, deaths in custody, you name it
And intelligence are no longer intelligent
This is the present day monocracy
By present, I mean forever as they are still on the roll
For decades, still riding on our blood, sweat, and tears
And today, there is still a gaping pain in our hearts
Today, will there be a political transformation?
Will we ever be enshrined by a system that will protect us from the wrongs?
I am no pro, nor am I anti government indirectly influenced by any comments or relationships
I'm just opinionated, overwhelmed and really looking forward to the change of regime - if not the world, at least domestic regime
We have made peace with the Cold War era
At least I think we have
In fact, it should be forgotten
And there should be no repeat of anti-regime insurrections, civil wars, tribal conflicts and whatnot
Often they'd say it's just the complexity of domestic politics
Influenced by the dynamics of international politics
I'd say it's just another one man plight who unfortunately is deep in his uncertain principles

And a joke of a wife - says, everyone.
But just shut the fuck up, kind sir
SHUT THE FUCK UP

-PRK-

Within The English Village

As I walk down the streets, wide and narrow streets, l often imagine them
Braving trashings, insults, death threats, batons, teargas, water cannons, the works
And with thousands of riot police trying to break up the protests and strikes
A force to be reckoned with, me, as part of them, hope to perhaps make history again
A history where behind the cloak of fear,  the gale of creative destruction would be unleashed
To be set free to put an end to the unrealistic demands, the catastrophic social implications and the political games of those from every sides of the divide

Of course in my mind, I'm very much controlled,
I'm very much prepared to rein in the masses against the authoritarian rules and religion
Ready for the straight journalistic report of the biting satire and classical literary themes
If not ever-ready to dance along to the euphoric political rallies 
But these are just my imaginations, my wish and hope to be the vanguard of change
And often I wonder, would it have meant a triumphant journey if I know what exactly am I defending, what exactly am I fighting for

Often I don't
Often I'm torn
Often all I see is a thin line instead of a silver lining
Often we all don't
Often we are still trying to comprehend what transpired the previous day's curiosity 
And often it's the biased ideologies
Within the English village
In which we are often bullied into submission, to keep mum
By the ruling elite and the flawed system

-PRK-

Weltschmerz

I've had my chapters before I met you
Chapters that were passionate in the beginning that ended with
"You love me until you don't."

One chapter died without closure; as if I was left at the altar
Years spent trying to understand the holy mess
Years wasted trying to weave and mend what's broken
Only to uncover later it never really matters
I was in agony

Chapter two then began just as hope was about to cease
But abruptly it ended with
"You're not very Christian for me."
Frankly I find that pathetic; it wasn't worth my tears
Though I went to bed after a few bottles of beer
I was in agony

Chapter three isn't worth mentioning
Pure lust on one end and it ended slowly with treachery
Then a 'modern romance' sparked
Lecherous, hostile, revolting, revengeful; I hated everything
I was in agony

The fourth chapter... It was a soap opera
The kisses scorched me
My body trembled every time he pulls me closer
Two hearts together, and I thought
"This probably is the beginning of my last chapter."
I was wrong and I thought
"Forever is over."
Again.. I was in agony

And here is a new chapter... Are we writing it together?
Or will I be the one pulling it together?
Once again be in agony?

-PRK-

If You Don't See Me Tomorrow

Your existence is a euphoria to my quiet world
Like the silky strum of a guitar
And the solo saxophone in Careless Whispers
But if you don't see me tomorrow
Just know that you've changed my life
Just know that I longed to be next to you
And that I want to share with you the little luxuries I have
The songs I wrote,
The lingering thoughts I have about you
And the stories I never told you
If you don't see me tomorrow
Just know that I miss you always

-PRK-

You, Among Millions

When you walked away,
My world fell apart
I saw smoke, shattering walls
And I tried to understand the screaming terror
The screaming inside of me that went louder continously
And I looked at the wall
Looked outside my bedroom window
Looked to my left, my right
The ceiling
The fan was spinning fast
But really, I was staring at nothing

I was looking for answers
Longed hard for explanations
But the more I dwell, the deeper I dig
The closer I got to the prickly coldness of fear
And inexplicable terror
Just stabbing into my flesh,
Cramping my stomach

And I prayed, I tried to pray
But I couldn't utter my words
I couldn't gather my strength
I couldn't for one minute, separate myself from the darkness
My heart, my mind, my soul
My body, but all of me was not there
I lost my senses
And I fell asleep

Why you, among millions?

-PRK-

One-way Street

If love is so strong and pure,
It can overcome all barriers
That's what they say all the time
And that's the kind of love I long for
But you don't love me the way you should
You couldn't and you struggled
And we both misunderstood loneliness
And loss of love
And lust
And accustomed to lost hopes
And coinciding dreams
Dubious dreams
Dreams where you'd see me
As I disappear into the gleams of white
In a dark interior
In the curve of your lordliness
Arrogance and ego
In the prickly coldness at night
When you long for my warmth
And my touch
My whispers in your ears
Before allies, us, we, turned into enemies

-PRK-