Dovetail Narration

He looked at me from across the room
Undressing me with his eyes
He put down the book he was reading
Snow by Orhan Pamuk
"A good book," he said. "Of political religions."
"Religious girls weren't allowed to wear their head scarves for some reason."

I looked into his almond-shaped eyes and dove deep
"Is he a broken soul?" I asked myself
Smokey brown eyes, deep, tormented yet playful
I was impressed by his choice of literature
From point A to point B, he came close
Inch by inch we get closer, spelling each other's significance
Our eyes met and I looked at his face
My breathing pattern changed

I touched his face
Weather-beaten, almost perfectly symmetrical face
He pulled me close and our noses met
I brushed my cheeks against his
The gritty stubble he left growing over the weekend tickled me

His lips, broad and thick,
A chain smoker, sort of parched
Yet so desirable
I kissed it, it was tender and soft
He then looked me in the eyes
He smirked with his eyes gleaming
As if his retinas were painted with only solace; no delinquency

And I could read him like a book
And immediately understood his pathways
The purpose of his visits
The meaning of his touches
The essence of his voice
I know them all, but I kept my thoughts to myself
I questioned none, nor am I about to question any

His heavy breath down my neck spells lust
And he caressed my chest
As if looking for something he had lost in a black hole
Slowly he undid the top button of my blouse
One hand going across my abdominal parts
The other gripping my hand tight
As if tightening a scouting knot
The words on my lips hailed by storm

And my heart skipped a beat
When he politely took off my blouse
"Hmm.. Laces," he said, with a mischievous look in his eyes
He kissed me again, heavily this time
The scent of his mouth and the taste of his lips
Just the same as I remember them

So was the warmth of his touch
The kind that sends shiver down my spine
And I squirmed as if having seizure
Hypnotised and devoured by emotion, I took off his shirt
And like memorised verses, he laid me down
He studied my body as I admire his

His shadow grazed over my smooth skin
His fingers, his eager hands, his palm
So calloused, yet so smooth
His collarbone and arms, tattooed
Of theological imagery and picturesque emblem of spirituality

I know this - I'm not special to him
But a quarter to 5, I turned to my left
His face close to mine; a face with cryptogram printed on it
His heavy breathing, his heartbeat

And my dawn arose with him next to me
A chiselled body covered with holy visages
Except for a patch closer to the molten core of his being
Camouflaged by occult imagery reflecting a prognostic of nihilism
An organ that is destined to stop
A beautiful art I cannot resist nor call my own

-PRK-

Black Hole Romance

Many risked so much to signs, alarmed and amused
I was walking on many paths, mainly the ones not taken
But all paths eventually lead directly to a singularity
Of which I cannot escape from, of which I can never move directly away from
And then I tried and kept trying, I was running away
Running away from many things, from gloomy evenings
A constant presence of dashing desires, hoping to discover a portal to another dimension
To a miraculous place away from angular discomfort
From political religions, from injustice done to believers
Running away from myself, from the turmoils inside me
From memories, I couldn't dredge, from thoughts they admonished
From the discotheques of deceit, from the terrible tidal that forces me
That unravels my body into streams of atoms of hate of unconditional destruction
I wanted to disappear, I needed to escape
I needed to withdraw from the race the painful ordeals
But to my face, they say, halfway down the slope of hope
There’s nothing on the other side, but disassembly and death

A black hole, so mystifying, romanticising our last breath 

-PRK-

A Man for a Woman

She seem serene, almost cheerful
And beneath the drape,
She is intolerably pornographic
Incomparable to the many prodigies
Of the female gender
To the painting and sculpture
Of a perfect figure - the modern Aphrodite

Her uncompromising intelligence
Is beyond the average valve
Of knowledge of many commoners
And her unfathomable brilliance
Often applaud by the royalties
And the likes of Athena

But often as the sun sets
And as the ocean breeze slows down
Becoming colder by the second
She would wander
Wanting to fade into the horizon
To leave the column of thick smoke
That spreads only gloom and sorrow
And the reverberating deviltry
Penetrating every abandoned soul

So melancholic and she is at bay
Trapped in the social stigmatisation
Of the nameless physical desire
Of essential strangers
Those who admire one that is both
A gift and a curse to her

But beneath her skin, she sees scars, she feels cuts
Bites of ants, stings of bees
Bruises from her struggles with identity
The romantic hypocrisy
And the disciplines of love, trust, faith and romance

And in the nightfall, only he could hear her cry
Sometimes tender, sometimes in agony
At times her cries sounds like
A navigated symphony
With no sense of pitch
And feels like a personal visit to an inferno

Her somber frequencies are no merriment to him
But the diminutive chime of her solitude
Her exhausted somnolence
Narrowed pedestal and
And her eagerness to be freed
To escape the fence of pentameter
Is ironically a Gospel music to his ear

Such is a particular gift of the bringer of dawn
The emissary of broken souls
Of defeated conquering heroes
Of bewitching beasts
Blinding them with his superficial charm

Such is the power of Lucifer
Engendering heartsease in her drama
An emotional parasite
A puppeteer inciting guilt 

Such is a strong power play
Between the giver and the taker
The sadistic and masochistic
The familiar inner voice
The silent killer that exists within you
And I

-PRK-

Past Perfect

I used to be dirt poor
I didn't need to go to the well for water
But there were hardships
That led to depression
I remember I laughed a lot
And shut myself from the world later
But I'd rose from all my falls
I'd slip and roll but I'd get back up
It was like solving crossword puzzle
Pointlessly in the dark
Sometimes I'd reach into my pockets
Only to take out the few bucks I have
To survive, to make it through each day
But we all have that past
And that past is meant to guide you
Not define you
Because we all used to be dirt poor
But not our faith and kindness

-PRK-

The Crossover

It's transcendental; the experience I assume,

It's ought to be
The ecclesiastical purposes of a person often led them to a miraculous tubularity
Masters of a mystical landscape - or so they believe
And lost their way in the excursion into the realm of theory
A direct insight of heaven and hell
A modest treasure of believers
Until they don't towards sundown
Until death is the only fear, the only truth
The ultimatum of all homos:
Sapiens and its many collectives

-PRK-

Uno Oscula

Amid his roar she grasp for breath
And he glances down at her
Admiring a spine of desire in her eyes
The state of her physiological intelligence
The force of her lechery
A holy eucharist he owns
A temple he religiously visits
A necessary passage of his existence
As one whose love song is intimate
Whose muse is a blessing in disguise
On a bitter night, at the edge of the bridge
Saved by her contradictory impulses
And the one word she uttered:
JUMP!

-PRK-

Melodic Psychosis

The music pursued its course
Two bars together
Never monotonous
Sometimes exaggerated
Oddly enough, at times cold and disorganised
Lack of sympathy
Breaking the bridge of the human world
Through uneven phrases
Through individual fragments
Through prose and chaos
Dredging up agony
And subconsciously my body
Separate itself from my mind, my soul
And the diagnose: SLIPPED DISC!

-PRK-

Traffic and Pretence

I avoid watching him gazing in my direction;
Because doubt keeps passing me by,
Making me feel like a wretched idiot
Stuck in traffic, acting like a citizen,
I pretended I didn't see him
But I viewed him through the gauze of my window
And we know we're both exchanging glances
Every now and then,
Reciting our own poems in our private reality;
Both in a limbo
Where we conversate through couplets;
Hidden beneath out quilts,
In an atmosphere so chaste;
That bores no traces of shameless love
Though we breathe only our guilt,
Together in a gesture of a morbid welcome
That ends when the traffic turns green
Where we stop when all goes;
Leaving our pretence

-PRK-

Senja Si Manusia

Kita lahir menjadi nyawa
Ada yang lahir bijak laksana
Menghembus nafas mencari jasa
Namum tiada siapa yang hidup sempurna
Aku juga longlai dimakan usia
Menanti untuk mendengar suara
Dan kalimat yang sama
Yang kaya adat pusaka
Bukan hidup yang berlimpah harta
Kerna rosaknya hati, badan pun binasa
Walaupun muda, juga perkasa
Seribu tahun tak kan bahagia juga
Maka hati yang betul hendaklah disahaja
Sebelum rentung sidang budiman kita
Sebelum lemas ditelan kabus senja

-PRK-

Death On A Monsoon Night

"Here, have a cigarette," he said in a drunken voice.

"Let me give you a light. Being scared doesn't help. If you're scared, something bad will happen. Chin up. I won't hit you."

She got up, pulled him close and pushed him off the cliff.

"Damn right you won't anymore, you piece of shit," she said, walking away on a monsoon night.

-PRK-

Unlike Corpses On Water

She doesn't like him flirting with her
Though she would too unconsciously
But tears would well in her eyes
And through series of glances
Of him on the chair next to her bed
She know she shan't rob him off his world
For his intentions are honourable
Sharing his thoughts on life and death
Of the poor crumbling in places
Of a broken mug in her sink
Of the idiots they think should go to hell
Of the colour of a snake's scales
Of the taste of a shocking blow
Though she would feint and dodge
Get disgusted or feel insulted
She would pronounce her verdicts
For he would wipe her tears when she cries

-PRK-

Cliché, But I Miss You

That bonding force created for us
It wasn't there for no reason
Such covalent bond does not come often in my life
Every now and then my heart would search for yours
And it will insist to meet yours
It wants to tug close to yours
It wants to go back to that place where yours would tug softly to it too
At no special time, anytime
With you, time does not pass like it usually would
It would feel as if the clock stopped working
Us stuck in that moment,
That space where nothing works but our hearts
Without you, it passes by so slowly it's torturous
And now, I simply just miss you

-PRK-

Menanti Sekeping Hati

Seringkali aku mengeluh
Aku berbicara dengan sang bulan
Ingin aku sampaikan padamu kata-kata yang tak terucap

Tentang kehilangan, keinginan, segala yang rumit
Dan tentang likuan jalan yang aku tempuhi

Aku sentiasa terasa keseorangan
Terasa kosong dan sunyi
Walau dikelilingi yang tersayang
Cuma tanpa kamu

Kelibatmu tak pernah kelihatan
Aku pasti, kelak pasti ada
Satu waktu untuk kita berdua

Sekiranya kamu kembali, temuilah aku di sini
Di tebing, sentiasa menanti sekeping hati yang telah pergi

-PRK-

The Chancellor

I exist in an ambiguous space and time
Where the city is turning mad
With evildoings and violence taking its toll
Often I wish I was far away
In the sounds of silence
Nothing but peace at the border of the town
Maybe in the woods, perhaps the hills
Where I don't feel that I should change my name
My address and identity in the hope of finding freedom
Where I don't have to live in the shadow of fear
A certain power that will always hunt me down

I am consumed by my pursuit to survive where I am
My desire is to come out of the clutches of somewhat a tormenting other half
Often they say that sometimes it takes the darkest hour of our life
The fear of death, to regain our consciousness back into life
I am not just one person
I am that two lives
The completely symbiotic nature of a couple
Constantly in our darkest hour
Going against each other
Like a relationship that has already fallen apart
That is moving fast towards its end

"But do not lose hope", they say
As I wander on empty streets every passing night
As I lose myself to my relentless angst towards somewhat an unyielding life
"Your life is an anthology. Your chapter is not done yet."
I answered them, "but it is not and never was mine to write.
I am never my own person.
I am a puppet.
My life began with an incessant harassment by that I should never mention.
I was pushed to a corner, to take the extreme step.
I never meant to end a life.
I never wanted to take a life.
All I wanted was freedom.

And come 1945."

-PRK-

Dear First Boyfriend

At 22 I asked myself if you were right for me
If we were ever going to be that kind of couple who sleeps on a bedsheet made of silk
If we were ever going to actually be compatible for each other
I loved you; I did so very deeply
You I thought, were my life but I felt a certain distance not too long after
At 16 I thought it was too soon to say anything
And you were living your life, working hard for your future
Me I thought, would just be a distraction
But I fell in love with you at 14
Soon after the day when I saw you from the living room window
And I invited you in
Never did I thought that you'd be the one I fell so deep for
I had dreams, I had hopes, I had plans
I wanted to travel the world with you
But I wasn't comfortable holding your hand
I wanted to kiss you at the park in the day
But I couldn't share with you my darkest secret
I wanted to be around your family and friends
But I could sense insincerity
The kind of energy that does not allow me to be me
It wasn't your fault and it's too cliché to say I'm the problem
But the universe kept dropping hints
Giving signs that I needed to let you go
And you, at that point really wanted to leave
At 26 I understood what it was
And that, I will keep to myself until the day I see you again
To tell you how I really feel

-PRK-

To Whom It May Concern

I never thought I'd met you
You used to be a dream - a permanent presence in my sleep
I used to imagine and wish that I'd meet someone like you - in person
Interestingly enough, under a bridge - you fishing, me writing a poem
I'd imagine that we'd started talking first about your fishing hobby
Then about your political stands and yellow boots
In my dreams, I enjoyed listening to your stories
And about that big fish you caught the day before we met
In my dreams, you're 10 years older than me and divorced
You'd have this FM radio hooked to your belt, you'd be listening to old songs
Your favorite rock band is the Scorpions
Our favorite song is "You and I"
You had a son who's my age - a son out of wedlock

And he died in a car accident on his 10th birthday 

The cause of death - you drove under the influence of alcohol 
And you refused to talk about your wife
You said she was beautiful and that you'd never fall in love again
But I met you almost a year ago
In a different form, different face but the same voice
Same demeanor, outlook in life but we never talked about fishing
Your theory of everything is thought-provoking
Your thoughts in everything is always intriguing
Our frank and open deep conversations give me a new breath of life
My coffee tastes different, my cigarette breaks are more meaningful
You keep me thinking all the time
About everything - so deeply, so intensely 
I was lost - thank God for the patience and here we are 
Having more conversations
Deep conversations - about death, love, hope, dreams, relationships, sex and suicidal thoughts
About people, exes, family, and deep darkest secrets
You said to me today;
"Love is lying to the police if your wife killed someone."
"Love is like marriage factor. It's "I'll die for you" level."
"Love is like your mom, she'll always love your dad but I doubt she's still IN LOVE with him after all his cheating and other bullshit."
"Love is "I'll forgive you for having a baby with your mistress if stop all of it for me"."
Everything you say affects me
Everything you make me tell you changes my many perspectives in life
And this time, you're real - a solid presence in my everyday life
How's my American spelling in this random poem, I'd like to know

-PRK-

Arrested in Athens

Remember that time I wanted to meet in Greece?
And when we do, we'd become partners in crime
We'd get caught for committing petty crimes
Our first jail sentence would be for not paying our dinner or our hostel rent in time
But we'd manipulate the prison officials
Gain their trust and borrow their money to bail ourselves out
And later make friends with the high society of Greece and the underworld thugs
Perhaps master the art of identity-switch and escaping arrest
All this sounds crazy, I know
And we have our conscience
But this excites me every now and then
Just getting arrested in Athens
At least for being too loud at the bar
Just having conversations with you
Laughing with you
Maybe also recite poems with you

-PRK-

That Losing End

You assumed you knew me
And you stereotyped me
Not realising you're stereotypical
That you're just another one
Who's afraid to take up a challenge
And unfortunately, born with inferiority complex
I thought you'd be the one
But you've decided that I'm not your match
And you missed the simplicity in me
Blinded by what you want to see
And what they made you see
You didn't want to tolerate your time and circumstances
You didn't give it a chance to nurture
You worry too much about the needs and demands
But it's your lost
I could have made you happy
Be the one you'd love the most

-PRK-

Flake Off, Quagmire

Needles pierced through my skin 

Attached to the machine

Entering the layers perhaps 1/16" of an inch

At approximately 10-15 needle drops per second

Fast enough to avoid puncturing my skin 

And causing bleeding 

And yet slow enough to avoid tearing it

It bled and wept a little

But it was a uniquely personal experience

They often ask if it's sore; if the pain is unspeakable 

That somehow got me thinking once - no, a few times

That if I'd cut myself, will I bleed black?

Like the ink used for my tattoos

But I don't blame them for asking such a question 

Fooled by horror stories, they're bound to think that it's excruciating 

Often I'd like to tell them that my body can take almost anything 

A cut, a burn, 10 tattoos, and counting 

My body can withstand different amounts of pain

No need for drugs that can thin the blood

No need for skin-numbing creams

Because it is in the mind that I control the sensation 

It is my mental strength that I can always hinge upon

But no matter how strong my mind is

Sometimes my heart fails 

Every time it got fooled, played and hurt

Only time can tell how long I'd have to heal the pain

Unlike the healing process of my tattoos  

It was never quite manageable

An open wound still

I don't know how a healed heart feels like

But... Flake off, Quagmire

-PRK-

Menghilang

Bahagiakah aku?
Aku cuba berlagak tabah
Cuba meredah segalanya secekal mungkin
Akan tetapi, tanpa disedari air mata ku mulai menitis
Ku sangkakan air hujan bila terdengar petir
Bila terdengar kilat bersabung di kala aku kesunyian
Tapi aku sebak, dan aku keseorangan
Ingin aku bertanya, tapi pada siapa?
Aku sendiri juga kurang pasti apa yang dicari
Dan dimana
Tetapi sudah penat rasanya
Penat mencari, penat berlari
Berlari tanpa haluan
Bilakah semua ini akan berakhir?
Apakah penghujungnya kisah ini?
Wahai angin, khabarkanlah padanya
Aku disini masih sesat
Karyanya tentang aku semakin hari semakin suram
Dan aku cuma tunggu untuk menghilang

-PRK-

Perimeter Point Zero

When I used to look into your eyes, I see you constantly searching
I noticed that the shadow in you constantly wants to escape from whatever it is that your soul longs to run from
I know a little bit about your past but I know you only chose to share what you think I and everyone else can handle
I'm not too sure if you're being true to yourself but I often notice that you try
Around your friends - and I only know a few - I sometimes feel that you hold yourself back
Like you have walls around you
Maybe you like your space
Maybe there's only so much you want people to see
Or maybe you are overprotective about the tiny room you have for yourself
I may be wrong but I know you have so much on your mind
I don't think you're lost but you're definitely looking for something
I believe like everyone else, of course you're also looking for happiness
And I believe there's so much more in life that you want to achieve
I hope and pray that you find what you're looking for
That you find happiness in a place or in a person you believe you can be your true self with
You're vulnerable but you don't want people to see that
So be it anywhere, be it with anyone, I hope one day, you no longer have to escape
That you no longer feel the need to put on your mask and just be true to yourself

-PRK-

If I Meet You In Greece

If I meet you in Greece, I hope it'll be in Delphi
So you and I can talk about things honeymooners don't often discuss
For you are political and you've studied religions
While I am still learning and looking for directions
And I hope we'll meet in the month of October
So we can catch the summer light and sound shows on the Acropolis
At the hill and the Parthenon, perhaps creating our own Sound of Music

But if we don't meet in Greece..

Well, I don't want to think about not meeting!

-PRK-

Charmed

Your aura enamours me
Though you're not here in person,
I could feel the warmth you'd have given me
Through rough days and cold nights
Through early mornings and long fights
That's how much your presence and absence means to me

Though you're probably only making a cameo in my life
At least I know you exist
As your existence was something I longed for
Since I remember care
Since I remember having a company l could share my ups and downs with
Since I remember how missing someone feels like

-PRK-

Selfish Love

Not that I miss you and wish you were here
I miss the person you once were
The time when you said you've waited
And didn't mind waiting until I say yes

Not that I'm saying I wish you didn't change
Because I have learned that at times I have to be content
And that I need to change

But I know me and I know you
I know I have my lows and so do you
How do we compromise
That time I wish I knew
And there is no secret I was still stuck to you

Until you made the call and left
Until I realised you couldn't wait anymore
Until I learned that love is not selfish
But the one who love and longed to be loved is

But you're a memory that keeps me up some nights
That reminds me of unresolved conflicts that they talked about
A memory that gives me clarity of thought
A memory that is common to a woman

A woman who deserves love and understanding
Not rules and regulations
A woman who deserves romance and warmth
Not terms and conditions
A woman who believes that she deserves to be herself

-PRK-

Eulogium

Tight as 9/11 - that's how shut my world was
Away from the abuses - verbal abuses as loud as the Krakatoa eruption
A destructive explosion enough to break every bone

Explode every blood vessels, and rip off every muscle from million miles away
"What's with the sporadic abuses?" I'd asked myself
Why so abrasive? Why so unkind?
Why am I scorned upon over the mistakes that were not mine?
Punished as I walk every Swedish mile; escaping from the remainder of my past
Until you make me fall in love with the defiance of anger
Spellbound by the thought of revenge, but it is not revengement that I delve for
It is a calumet of peace that I contrive - a contentment in life
Perhaps one day, having them read a poignant eulogy
Of a mutilated personage; shunned and left to trade zingers in solitary
The one who became noble and serene

Whose entries aren't about any pageant queen

A fiendish scream or a charlatan's scheme

-PRK-

The Case Study

Constantly driven by curiosity and his ethicality, his brain would rattle off - unforeseen
And the percussive sounds not only trigger the intellectuals; the constant short snaps triggers also poet laureates and the simpletons
From letters to words, words to sentences
Each verse, each stanza and each paragraph of his insights are coherently pronounced
Be it stories from the great depression
A shadow of a perfect stranger
Or the murmurs of his paramour
To wallstreet reports
And misrepresented world issues
Often I wonder how deep his thoughts is
And how much deeper can he go
To reach my depth
And of others whom he has yet to penetrate
Of things, even of the darkness within himself
And his own wilderness

-PRK-

Scar Tissue

She was born pure and simple
Brought into the world so innocent, so delicate
She looked around, desiring knowledge
Yet fascinated only to the unthinkable

And down the pike, she became repulsive
Does not recognise happiness
Though to most, she seems content, calm, at ease

Yet she felt only soreness
The deeper she gazed into her own eyes,
She somehow sees only resentment

She can be high-strung
But often overshadowed by melancholia - her own gloom, the blue devils
Until she reached her depths

Tight-lipped, tongue-tied, close-mouthed, not even murmurs
The girl with the frown would only shrug
And later cut deep into her own skin

And the art on her body were not just scars
The masterpiece placed close to her wrists indicates the end of her war
"Forever fighting a battle," she said. "And the demons have won."

The razor was her paintbrush
Her body was the canvas
But her masterpieces were never on display
Only when she died today

-PRK-

Shut The Fuck Up, Kind Sir

He came with his extempore skit - clueless, really
Didn't pay attention to the serious matters
Yet translated everything into elections on a jagged field and broken promises
And the reality is democracy for us died a long time ago
The system was decapitated
Honourable judges were unlawfully sacked
Independence was bought
Scandals, corruption, deaths in custody, you name it
And intelligence are no longer intelligent
This is the present day monocracy
By present, I mean forever as they are still on the roll
For decades, still riding on our blood, sweat, and tears
And today, there is still a gaping pain in our hearts
Today, will there be a political transformation?
Will we ever be enshrined by a system that will protect us from the wrongs?
I am no pro, nor am I anti government indirectly influenced by any comments or relationships
I'm just opinionated, overwhelmed and really looking forward to the change of regime - if not the world, at least domestic regime
We have made peace with the Cold War era
At least I think we have
In fact, it should be forgotten
And there should be no repeat of anti-regime insurrections, civil wars, tribal conflicts and whatnot
Often they'd say it's just the complexity of domestic politics
Influenced by the dynamics of international politics
I'd say it's just another one man plight who unfortunately is deep in his uncertain principles

And a joke of a wife - says, everyone.
But just shut the fuck up, kind sir
SHUT THE FUCK UP

-PRK-

Within The English Village

As I walk down the streets, wide and narrow streets, l often imagine them
Braving trashings, insults, death threats, batons, teargas, water cannons, the works
And with thousands of riot police trying to break up the protests and strikes
A force to be reckoned with, me, as part of them, hope to perhaps make history again
A history where behind the cloak of fear,  the gale of creative destruction would be unleashed
To be set free to put an end to the unrealistic demands, the catastrophic social implications and the political games of those from every sides of the divide

Of course in my mind, I'm very much controlled,
I'm very much prepared to rein in the masses against the authoritarian rules and religion
Ready for the straight journalistic report of the biting satire and classical literary themes
If not ever-ready to dance along to the euphoric political rallies 
But these are just my imaginations, my wish and hope to be the vanguard of change
And often I wonder, would it have meant a triumphant journey if I know what exactly am I defending, what exactly am I fighting for

Often I don't
Often I'm torn
Often all I see is a thin line instead of a silver lining
Often we all don't
Often we are still trying to comprehend what transpired the previous day's curiosity 
And often it's the biased ideologies
Within the English village
In which we are often bullied into submission, to keep mum
By the ruling elite and the flawed system

-PRK-

Weltschmerz

I've had my chapters before I met you
Chapters that were passionate in the beginning that ended with
"You love me until you don't."

One chapter died without closure; as if I was left at the altar
Years spent trying to understand the holy mess
Years wasted trying to weave and mend what's broken
Only to uncover later it never really matters
I was in agony

Chapter two then began just as hope was about to cease
But abruptly it ended with
"You're not very Christian for me."
Frankly I find that pathetic; it wasn't worth my tears
Though I went to bed after a few bottles of beer
I was in agony

Chapter three isn't worth mentioning
Pure lust on one end and it ended slowly with treachery
Then a 'modern romance' sparked
Lecherous, hostile, revolting, revengeful; I hated everything
I was in agony

The fourth chapter... It was a soap opera
The kisses scorched me
My body trembled every time he pulls me closer
Two hearts together, and I thought
"This probably is the beginning of my last chapter."
I was wrong and I thought
"Forever is over."
Again.. I was in agony

And here is a new chapter... Are we writing it together?
Or will I be the one pulling it together?
Once again be in agony?

-PRK-

If You Don't See Me Tomorrow

Your existence is a euphoria to my quiet world
Like the silky strum of a guitar
And the solo saxophone in Careless Whispers
But if you don't see me tomorrow
Just know that you've changed my life
Just know that I longed to be next to you
And that I want to share with you the little luxuries I have
The songs I wrote,
The lingering thoughts I have about you
And the stories I never told you
If you don't see me tomorrow
Just know that I miss you always

-PRK-

You, Among Millions

When you walked away,
My world fell apart
I saw smoke, shattering walls
And I tried to understand the screaming terror
The screaming inside of me that went louder continously
And I looked at the wall
Looked outside my bedroom window
Looked to my left, my right
The ceiling
The fan was spinning fast
But really, I was staring at nothing

I was looking for answers
Longed hard for explanations
But the more I dwell, the deeper I dig
The closer I got to the prickly coldness of fear
And inexplicable terror
Just stabbing into my flesh,
Cramping my stomach

And I prayed, I tried to pray
But I couldn't utter my words
I couldn't gather my strength
I couldn't for one minute, separate myself from the darkness
My heart, my mind, my soul
My body, but all of me was not there
I lost my senses
And I fell asleep

Why you, among millions?

-PRK-

One-way Street

If love is so strong and pure,
It can overcome all barriers
That's what they say all the time
And that's the kind of love I long for
But you don't love me the way you should
You couldn't and you struggled
And we both misunderstood loneliness
And loss of love
And lust
And accustomed to lost hopes
And coinciding dreams
Dubious dreams
Dreams where you'd see me
As I disappear into the gleams of white
In a dark interior
In the curve of your lordliness
Arrogance and ego
In the prickly coldness at night
When you long for my warmth
And my touch
My whispers in your ears
Before allies, us, we, turned into enemies

-PRK-

Indian Romance

I see it in movies, I see it in real life

I see the confessions of love, 

The beauty of it and I realised 

I want to wake up next to you, tomorrow maybe 

In Manali, the snowcapped mountains, maybe 

Or perhaps Shimla 

Strolling along aimlessly down a path laden with flowers 

To the poetic sound of a sitar

Drop by Agra, they said

To the city of love 

Visit the Taj Mahal, the godly cosmos of real love

Exquisite, isn't it?

But I have different paths to cross

Memories to erase and with you, I want it to close

You're not my Shah, nor am I your Mumtaz

But this is our journey, a story about us

Wandering in the sandalwood forests 

Or maybe in dreamy hills

Maybe in ancient architectures 

Let the truth reveals itself 

Through the sweet sounds of birds 

Maybe the aroma of freshly brewed coffee  

Or through the charming boulevards

Maybe the sunrise in Pondicherry

They've also handpicked Kashmir - a beauty second to none 

A scene in Srinagar where Shammi Kapoor romancing Sharmila Tagore in her bun

Or should we go to Rajasthan and embrace the old-world charm?

Maybe relive Jodha-Akhbar's epic love,

Swaying to the sound of the Bansuri,
Me wrapped in your arms

And should we be around people?

Or should it just be you and me?

Breathing the fresh breeze of Baga

The pleasant ambience, an exotic sandy retreat

I'm throwing you options but I'll walk the bumpy paths with you 

Through your ups and downs, I'll be true to you 

Whether this romance will spark by the glistening lakes

Or by the beaches in Goa 

We'll never know what it takes

For I've only seen it in movies 

And a few in real life 

Never experienced it myself 

Maybe I will, the next sunrise

Maybe it won't 

But I will now leave it to chance 

Just know that between me and you

There will always be this Indian romance

Warm and true, just me and you 

Like tabla tarang

Our hearts beats for this Indian romance

-PRK-

I've Found You

Don't let me down, she said
Never let me drown
Never let the wave take me away from the sound
Never leave me on my own
Deep in the mountains
Lost in the woods
Even a mile or thousands

For I can't live without you now
Perhaps not ever
Perhaps you're a piece of my heart the angels brought over
Perhaps two lost souls now supposed to meet each other
Supposed to be together
Be soulmates or whatever

Even if you fade, losing your colour
I could feel the warmth
I could feel your energy, I could feel it roaming

Do I sound needy now, she asked me calmly
No, mommy, I said
I've been away
Now I'm back, I've found you
I'm sorry

-PRK-

The Manual

There is no manual to life
And I was born to let you down
I was born to disgrace you
Taint your name
And malign you till I die

But that's what they said
That's what they expect to see
Hatred, jealousy, anger
Perhaps, even bloodshed
And that's in their manual to life

I can't swim
And I have no life-vest
But I won't drown
For my manual to life is...
Just to be me

To exist to see you happy
To wake up to see you smile
To turn around to see you laugh
Hear your voice
And to feel your warmth

-PRK-

Can't Complain

Am I walking on air?
The characters around me are...
Definitely buoyant now
They used to be in doldrums
Constantly bathed in tears
Sometimes in poor health
Almost at death's door
Now, I certainly can't complain

-PRK-

I'll Have You Know

There are nights that I wish I didn't miss you
And there'll be nights that I wish I didn't see you
Passing by the lot like I never really knew you
It isn't about the touch but the memories we made, boo
There were nights that I'd wait for your calls
And when the phone don't ring, I'd slowly drown in my squalls
Sometimes the awful silence seems louder than our brawls
But these are the nights that explains it all
With every note that changes in every song
And as the pages change too, everything seems wrong
Did we fall out of love, or has it been too long?
Has it been long enough to rewrite the song?
Now don't sweat it, hun, I've seen the real you
I guess you're dealing with a lot of things I went through
But I'm sure it's more than just a hairdo
More than just another weekend you have to get through
You could be right, but I don't take excuses
You're telling me that I'm losing all my focus
The fact of the matter is, you're losing your muses
I'll have you know what an actual truce is

-PRK-

Happiness

“Why should we build our happiness on the opinons of others, when we can find it in our own hearts?”

― Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract and Discourses

You are right, Rousseau. I couldn't agree more.

-PRK-

A Paradigm Shift Perhaps

After the storm and unavoidable turbulences
I wanted to sit quietly and enjoy my own company
Or perhaps sit in a tree and watch the world go by
But I too wanted to sleep under the stars with you
Live today, talk about the world
And have a quiet time next to you
Find that balance that we both are looking for
And memorise poems that we can relate to
I want to listen to my own heartbeat
And love without fear
Forgive and forget, and find clarity of thought
Here, as I walk this earth with you
A paradigm shift perhaps, when I finally meet you

-PRK-

What Was Missing?

Many a time when you think you like someone, you somehow refuse to look at it from a different perspective. Often times, the possible ugly side of it. And believing that something special could happen and you want it to, you'd really hope it will. And thinking that you've matured and beginning to understand more about this thing you weren't sure of before, you want to give it a try and want it to work. And then it didn't. You'd think you're at fault, but it wasn't you. It's just how nature takes its course. In short, SHIT HAPPENS.

Now, time has passed. Take 5 and think. What was missing?

You find out that you were not on the same wavelength. You have nothing much in common. To make yourself feel better, you'd tell yourself that it was just an infatuation. And that it was not worth it. although it did break you. It devastated you. It drained you. You became so weak that you lost your directions. You wanted to die.

Now, that has happened. You didn't die. You've passed that. Take 5 and think. What was missing?

A grown ass, sincere passionate soul.

-PRK-

Dear Kywee

I remember vividly that day you came into my life
And moments where you'd hold my hand, stroke my hair, look into my eyes
You'd tell me things, your dreams, your wishes, plans and blisters
And if I don't listen, you'd stomp your feet
Or you'd pat me on my shoulder
If I don't pay attention, you'd be in my face
Sometimes under the table, just so I can see you and get all my attention
You were four, now you're nine
Born a chatterbox; always guilty of that crime
Soon, you'll be talking about boys and how they are scums
Famous girls in school and how they are dumb
And how teachers make your brain numb
And show me your paintings, waiting for the thumb
When you were four, explaining things weren't as hard
Now you're nine; my experiences in life will play their part
We'll talk about expectations and heartbreaks, people and cupcakes
The game of baseball and about safety nets
About happiness and what makes me sad
For you don't know who I am
And you need to know who I am

-PRK-

Inside, You Cry

I remember that time when you talk about your past
How you upset the people around you
The games you played
The hearts you broke
But I also remember the other side of you
You're not heartless
Just a temporary emotional cripple
To hide who you really are from others
The vulnerable side of you
The part that would bleed
And takes longer to heal than a cut
But that's you on the outside
Inside, you cry
But you'd try not to
You'd push them aside
Your pain, your anger
You're in agony and you won't admit it
You just want to be strong
At least show them that you are
When you're not
Because inside, you cry

-PRK-

Love, When Nothing Else Matters

Someone once said,
"You're losing it."
"You've lost your game."
"You're going nowhere."
I didn't ask why
But that thought lingered in my head for a while
How will you know when you truly are in love?
I supposed, when nothing else matters
Just love, when nothing else matters
Be there when nothing else matters
Be present in the moment like nothing else matters

-PRK-

The Other End

They say trust his words
I doubt him always
I couldn't bring myself to trust his words and promises

They say trust his work
"What work?" I asked
It's not his but another
One that I will never understand its mechanism

They say trust his people
"His people? Which kind?" I said
The one who speaks or the one who listens?
Or the one who leave others with their belief

Well that is that
It's still a long way to go
And a lot more convincing to do

I'm on the other end, a different person
Not a thing like you

-PRK-

Tick Tock

Time... My relationship with time is complicated
Maybe I'm overthinking it
Sometimes I'd ask what exactly don't I have time for?
Hobbies? People? Relationship?
Social life? Drinks? Sports? Movies?
Work?
No, I constantly think of work, sometimes I dream of work
Even while I'm talking to someone, work will make a cameo in my head
And I'll go home and think about it again
As time pass me by, I know it's tick tock and work
Not one second in my life I don't think of work
They say don't live to work but work to live
I don't know which one I'm practising
But I'd drop everything and talk to you if you convince me enough to spend my time talking to you
For hours maybe, about anything,
Even about the silliest things and your weird dreams
And I'll pay attention to you
Because you're way more important than my work when I'm not at work

-PRK-

The Morning After

I went to bed last night, realising how noisy my quiet world is
I could hear the spiders spinning their webs
I could hear the moth flying through my bathroom window
The clouds crashing into one another
The stars moving around
I usually can't hear all this
Now I'm asking myself some questions
Are your choices being frowned upon?
Is your memory space getting smaller?
Are you waking up with a numb arm?
Is the last slice of pizza yours?
Are you repeating yourself regularly?
Questions after questions
Is the room temperature okay for you?
It never ends
Until the morning after

-PRK-

Unspoken

Stuck between my heart and the world, I decided to keep it mum
Locked it in a box and threw away the key
Deep into the sea, it sunk
It never did surface but I believed everything else would suffice
I made myself believe that it would..
Did it?
It was never spoken of
Unlike the river, it never flowed
Unlike the lava, it froze
Unlike time, it stopped
Yet it survived the sandstorms, the heat, the cold
And it never died
But like a cancer, it slowly killed me
Slowly took over my life
The life I prayed never to ever live again in the lives to come
As the world wanted it unspoken
Though the universe wanted the heart to live, scream and shout
Keep beating and never freeze
But it remained unspoken

-PRK-

And If You Are

Funny how everything comes out easily from you
Like you have nothing to worry about
Nothing to hide
Somehow I find it too good to be true
Or perhaps you're through with things that I'm still going through
You've passed that stage
And I'm still on it
Still closer to my beginning than you are to yours
Still healing
Still thinking
Still wondering
If you are for real
If you really exist
Or just pretending to be the kind of person that I think you are
The stronger one
Who will never fail me
And if you are
If...

-PRK-

A Company, Maybe

I can hear the breeze brushing through the trees
Birds chirping and singing in melodies
Teenage girls joking and laughing with their grannies
Over a cup of coffee and chocolate chip cookies
And kids running around chasing each other
Playing hide and seek, I can hear their feet pitter-patter
And their moms gossiping with each other
Later talking about their family and the sounds of nature
While their dads catch up at the football game
Talking about their sons, the car engines and getting together for a jam
They look happy, no one seem to be in agony
Even sad faces then cracked a joke about the economy
It was a good day for an evening walk, definitely
But I just sat at the bench, appreciating life, wishing that birds could talk to me
So I can tell them I'm happy to be here
To watch the sunset with my bottle of beer
To tell my loved ones I love them dearly
And wishing they were all here with me
Or a company, maybe

-PRK-

Disarray

Don't give me hope
If that's all you can give me
Because I can't bear the pain anymore
I can't get hurt like this anymore
Tears on my sleepless nights
And when I do fall asleep, you appear in my dreams
And I just woke up from a weird one
One I can't explain
But something is wrong
It was incomplete
The dream just ended
And it woke me up from my sleep

-PRK-

Antistupid

And so I walk down the streets
Listening to the unhealthy cultural beats
Where the human race failed to recognise the difference between being racial and racist
Between desperation and dishonesty
And watching them feed each other with so much hatred and disgust
And I just walk pass them, sniggering at their immaturity and stupidity
Not saying my his or my hellos
Ignoring their phony act of kindness and shiny halo
For I am not antisocial.. I'm just antistupid

-PRK-

She Found Peace

They told her,

"Breathe, and get your mind off it.
Sleep under the star, don’t let your mind lose it.
Accept imperfection, practice mindfulness.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, and live with no regrets."

And so she remained cool, remained calm and let them drool
Acted fooled when they claimed she’s under-ruled
Such depression made her lend a barf
Turned her head around, whispered,

"That's enough."

And so she took a bath by the candlelight
She meditated by the neon light
She let her feet take her towards the pink strobe light
Smiled when she saw those idiots slipped by the mountainside

And she thought,

"Oh, they were right. Be present in the moment, leave the past aside."

And so she found the good in all situations and laid on the grass
Embraced her freedom and held her head up with class

-PRK-

Beast At Ease

My soul is at ease
I'm just passing through
Keeping a strong mind, I'm a beast
Still shining too
Charging forth like an eagle
Just flying above you
Ambitious?
As always, unstoppable too
Failed in the past
I'm just moving forward
I see silver linings, some things has no word
Great endeavours, won't stop, won't trip, won't rest
No fraudulent scars, I'm staying best-dressed

PRK

No Room

Often you think of hurting yourself
To know how you're really hurting inside
You want to see yourself bleed
You want to see bruises and cuts
But these bruises and cuts can't be compared to the wound in your heart
Like hoarded wealth, there's just no room anymore for another scar

PRK

Broken, Again; Until Then

I woke up zombified
A living dead living in lies
I didn't know how I'd ever survive
Truth is, I can't even look into your eyes
The story went on that I'm stronger than ever
Only God knows how I'm trying to keep it together
When it's too quiet, I can hear your voice
I can hear you talking and it's not a choice
It's not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't
I fell too soon and I fell deep into confusion
"What is this?" I asked but I can't get the answer
I supposed it was just what my heart desired
What I longed for as I'm no longer searching for 'forever'
What I needed most is a soul that would love me better
Accept me for me, for what I have in mind, night and day
For my thoughts, my questions and my plans in May
Dear diary, would you show me where I went wrong?
From all my entries, show me what I shouldn't have spelt wrong
What I shouldn't have assumed, shouldn't have consumed
For now I've got nowhere to go, nothing to write, nothing to look forward to
But another day, another soul that would make me forget you
Broken again
Yes, I'm broken again
For this quest has no end
And so..
Until then

-PRK-